A true programmer

[text] Hacker Scripts Based on a true story x00c OK so our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know that type of a guy who loves Vim creates diagrams in Dot and writes wikiposts in Markdown… If something anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time he writes a script to automate that. 00 So were sitting here looking through his uhm legacy x00c Youre gonna love this 00 smackmybitchup.sh sends a text message late at work to his wife apparently. Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings randomly. Runs inside a cronjob. The job fires if there are active SSHsessions on the server after 9pm with his login. 300 kumarasshole. sh scans the inbox for emails from Kumar a DBA at our clients. Looks for keywords like help trouble sorry etc. If keywords are found the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply no worries mate be careful next time. 00 hangover.sh another cronjob that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like not feeling wellgonna work from home etc. Adds a random reason from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 845am. o0c and the oscar goes to fuckingcoffee.sh this one waits exactly 17 seconds then opens a telnet session to our coffeemachine we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a midsized halfcaf latte and waits another 24 seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. x00c holy sht Im keeping those