database Memes

Set Age As Primary Key

7 hours ago 130.4K views 0 shares

Someone decided to use age as a primary key in their database. You know, that field that changes every single year and is shared by millions of people. The error message "User with this age already exists" is the database's polite way of saying "congratulations, you've just discovered that multiple 17-year-olds can exist simultaneously on planet Earth." Primary keys are supposed to be unique and immutable. Age is neither. It's like using "human" as a username and wondering why registration keeps failing. This person will indeed go far—straight into a legacy codebase that everyone else refuses to touch.

Deploy Or Destroy

Devops Programming Debugging Databases Backend

13 hours ago 115.0K views 0 shares

Junior dev casually announces they're about to nuke the backend and database at 9:40 AM like they're ordering coffee. Boss tries calling—ignored. Then comes the classic "Deploy*" with an asterisk that screams "I meant destroy but autocorrect saved literally nothing." Followed by "Apologies" and desperate pleas to just pick up the phone and take the day off. The junior's response? "Don't worry. It was a typo." Yeah, sure it was. Boss knows better and insists anyway because some typos cost six figures and a weekend. That asterisk is doing more heavy lifting than the entire CI/CD pipeline. One character difference between shipping features and shipping your career to the unemployment office.

Lebron James

Java Programming Debugging Databases Backend

1 day ago 231.1K views 0 shares

Ah yes, the classic floating-point precision nightmare strikes again! LeBron apparently set his user balance to exactly 100 dollars, but because he used a double (floating-point) instead of a proper decimal type for monetary values, the database now cheerfully displays $99.99999999999 instead of a clean $100. The facepalm is well-deserved. Rule #1 of financial applications: never use floating-point types for money! Binary floating-point can't accurately represent decimal fractions like 0.1, leading to these delightful rounding errors that'll have your accounting department hunting you down. Should've used BigDecimal, DECIMAL, or literally anything designed for exact decimal arithmetic. Even the GOAT isn't immune to the IEEE 754 curse. Stick to the fundamentals, King. 👑

How To Join Tables

Databases Webdev Programming Frontend Backend

4 days ago 251.2K views 1 shares

Frontend devs standing around at a picnic, literally joining their physical tables together because SQL joins are apparently a backend dark art. The joke writes itself—they're comfortable making buttons look pretty and centering divs, but ask them to write a LEFT JOIN and suddenly they're eating standing up. Meanwhile, backend devs are somewhere in a dark room, muttering about normalization and foreign keys, wondering why the API request is asking for the entire database in a single GET call.

Programming Memes: The Real Computer Science Degree

Programming Algorithms Databases

4 days ago 225.8K views 0 shares

Programming Memes: The Real Computer Science Degree

Computer Science curriculum: carefully designed courses covering fundamental algorithms, complex data structures, and enterprise database systems. Reality: you barely stayed awake through those lectures. But programming memes? That's where you're suddenly a PhD candidate. Every recursive joke, every "works on my machine" reference, every semicolon tragedy - you're fully engaged, taking mental notes, probably contributing your own material. Turns out the real education was the memes we collected along the way. At least those taught us that production always breaks on Friday at 4:59 PM.

Root Root

Databases Security Programming Backend

4 days ago 180.6K views 0 shares

When your dev database credentials are just username: root and password: root , you might as well be wielding a lightsaber made of security vulnerabilities. The double "root root" is the universal developer handshake that screams "I'm definitely not pushing this to production... right?" Every dev environment has that one database where the admin credentials are so predictable they might as well be written on a sticky note attached to the monitor. It's the database equivalent of leaving your house key under the doormat, except the house is full of test data and half-finished migrations that will haunt you later. Fun fact: The "root" superuser account exists because Unix systems needed a way to distinguish the all-powerful administrator from regular users. Now it's the most overused password in local development, right next to "admin/admin" and "password123".

And No More Space

Databases Backend

7 days ago 236.2K views 0 shares

SQL devs really built their entire personality around hoarding data. The moment you tell them a table isn't needed anymore, they experience physical pain watching it get yeeted into the void. That disk space? Gone. Those carefully crafted indexes? Dust. The 47 joins they memorized? Useless. It's like watching someone lose a beloved pet, except the pet is a normalized database schema they spent three weeks optimizing. They stand there, arms outstretched, as if they could somehow catch the DROP TABLE command mid-execution. Spoiler: they can't.

Backup Supremacy🤡

Security Devops Databases Backend

9 days ago 200.7K views 0 shares

When your company gets hit with a data breach: *mild concern*. But when they discover you've been keeping "decentralized surprise backups" (aka unauthorized copies of the entire production database on your personal NAS, three USB drives, and your old laptop from 2015): *chef's kiss*. The real galaxy brain move here is calling them "decentralized surprise backups" instead of what the security team will inevitably call them: "a catastrophic violation of data governance policies and possibly several federal laws." But hey, at least you can restore the system while HR is still trying to figure out which forms to fill out for the incident report. Nothing says "I don't trust our backup strategy" quite like maintaining your own shadow IT infrastructure. The 🤡 emoji is doing some heavy lifting here because this is simultaneously the hero move that saves the company AND the reason you're having a very awkward conversation with Legal.

Happy New Year

Programming Gamedev Databases Backend

10 days ago 195.8K views 0 shares

Nothing says "celebration" quite like watching your SQLite database successfully open while ASCII art champagne pops in your terminal. The raylib initialization loading right after is just *chef's kiss* - because who needs Times Square when you've got platform backend confirmations? Someone spent their New Year's Eve coding and decided to make their console output festive. The dedication to draw a champagne bottle in ASCII characters while simultaneously initializing a graphics library is the kind of energy that separates the "I'll start my side project tomorrow" crowd from the "it's 11:59 PM and I'm shipping features" crowd. Real talk though: if your New Year celebration involves mandatory raylib modules loading, you're either incredibly dedicated to your craft or you need better friends. Possibly both.

It Works But Only One Time

Csharp Programming Debugging Databases Backend

13 days ago 270.8K views 1 shares

Someone wrote a method to count employees, but there's a tiny problem: it deletes ALL the employees from the database first, then counts how many are left. Spoiler alert: zero. Every single time after the first run, you're counting an empty table. The function technically works once—before it nukes your entire workforce into the digital void. The best part? They're using using statements for proper resource disposal, so at least the database connection is being cleaned up responsibly while the employee data gets yeeted into oblivion. Priorities, right? Pro tip: maybe fetch the count BEFORE running DELETE FROM. Or better yet, don't run DELETE FROM at all when you just want to count rows. That's what SELECT COUNT(*) is for. Your HR department will thank you.

Inline SQL

Databases Webdev Programming Frontend Backend

13 days ago 269.3K views 0 shares

Drake rejecting raw SQL strings because of ORM trust issues? Nah, too mainstream. But writing SQL queries as inline CSS classes using TailwindSQL? Now that's the galaxy brain move we didn't know we needed. TailwindSQL takes the utility-first philosophy to its logical extreme: why write SELECT * FROM users when you could write class="select-all from-users where-active" ? It's like someone looked at Tailwind CSS's 47-character class strings and thought "you know what databases need? This energy." The best part? You get all the SQL injection vulnerabilities of raw queries with the verbose readability of Tailwind classes. It's the worst of both worlds, perfectly balanced. Your DBA will love debugging select-* from-orders join-users on-id where-status-eq-pending limit-10 offset-20 in production at 3 AM.

Mongo Bleed Is Web Scale