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I Am So Smort

I Am So Smort
You know that absolutely GLORIOUS moment when you ask ChatGPT something and it's like "wow, what an excellent question!" and then proceeds to completely malfunction on that exact same question for the 50th time today? Yeah, nothing screams "I'm a genius" quite like repeatedly breaking an AI that's supposed to be smarter than you. The smug goat energy is REAL here. You're out there feeling like you've discovered some profound edge case that's exposing the limits of artificial intelligence, when in reality you're probably just asking it to parse some cursed regex or explain why your CSS isn't centering a div. But hey, if stumping a billion-dollar language model doesn't earn you a PhD in Computer Science, what does? The best part? You'll screenshot that "great question" compliment and frame it on your wall while conveniently ignoring the fact that ChatGPT still can't solve your actual problem. Peak developer validation right there.

I Put Alot Of Effort Into My Titl

I Put Alot Of Effort Into My Titl
C++ devs really be out here benchmarking their 6000-line monstrosity against your Python one-liner and acting like they just solved world hunger. Yeah, congrats on shaving off 0.000438 seconds—that's really gonna matter when both programs finish before you can even alt-tab back to your browser. The superiority complex is strong with this one. Meanwhile, your Python script was written during a coffee break and is already in production while they're still arguing about whether to use std::vector or std::array .

He Still Despises Programming, Though. 🫤

He Still Despises Programming, Though. 🫤
The five stages of debugging condensed into one t-shirt. You start with pure hatred, questioning every life choice that led you to this career. Then you hate it even more as you realize the bug is probably something stupid. Then—plot twist—your code actually compiles and runs without segfaulting. Suddenly you're a genius, dopamine floods your brain, and you love programming again. But here's the kicker: despite that brief moment of euphoria when things work, the underlying relationship with programming remains... complicated. It's like a toxic relationship where one successful deployment makes you forget the 47 merge conflicts and the production bug that woke you up at 2 AM last Tuesday. The shirt perfectly captures that developer bipolar disorder where you oscillate between "I should've been a carpenter" and "I am a code wizard" within the same hour. The title nails it—even after the high of success, the baseline emotion is still despise. We're all just Stockholm syndrome survivors at this point.

Average Open Source Contribution

Average Open Source Contribution
Someone out here preaching about fighting corporate aggression through open source contributions, then their "contribution" is literally changing "390 million" to "395 million" in a README file. That's it. That's the revolution. The diff shows they updated OpenOffice's download stats by 5 million users. Not fixing bugs, not adding features, not improving documentation in any meaningful way—just bumping a number that'll be outdated again in like three months. Truly the hero open source deserves. Meanwhile, maintainers are drowning in actual issues and PRs, but sure, let's spend time reviewing your stat update. This is why "first-time contributor" PRs have such a... reputation.

Don't Be Sad, This Is Just How It Works Out Sometimes

Don't Be Sad, This Is Just How It Works Out Sometimes
You spend weeks meticulously planning your project architecture. You document everything. You set up your environment. You write your first function. Then the bugs start appearing like medieval catapult ammunition and your entire codebase explodes into a cloud of segfaults and null pointer exceptions. The "Expedition 33" at the end really sells it. Because just like in Kingdom Come: Deliverance, you're not on your first rodeo anymore. You've been through this 32 times before. You know the drill. You accept your fate. You git reset --hard and start over. Again. Some call it debugging. Veterans call it Tuesday.

I Guess They Let The Intern Optimize The App

I Guess They Let The Intern Optimize The App
So Discord's brilliant solution to their memory leak problem is... turning it off and on again? REVOLUTIONARY! Instead of actually fixing why their app is devouring RAM like a starving hippo at an all-you-can-eat buffet, they just implemented a hard reset when it crosses 4GB. That's not optimization, that's just automated panic mode! It's like your car engine overheating, so instead of fixing the cooling system, you just install a mechanism that automatically turns the car off every time it gets too hot. Sure, technically it prevents the engine from exploding, but you're still stranded on the highway every 20 minutes. Genius engineering right there! Someone really looked at this memory leak, shrugged, and said "Have we tried just... restarting it?" And somehow that made it to production. The absolute audacity of calling this a "failsafe" when it's literally just admitting defeat to your own memory management.

Electron Apps Vs My RAM

Electron Apps Vs My RAM
Discord literally had to implement a self-destruct feature because it was eating so much RAM that it became a liability. When your app is such a memory hog that you need to add a "restart before I crash the entire system" failsafe, maybe—just maybe—wrapping a website in Chromium wasn't the best architectural decision. The fact that 4GB is the threshold tells you everything. That's more RAM than entire operating systems used to need. But hey, at least Discord is self-aware enough to restart itself. Most Electron apps just sit there, bloated and unrepentant, slowly consuming your system resources like a digital black hole until you manually kill them. Fun fact: Each Electron app bundles its own copy of Chromium. So if you're running Discord, Slack, VS Code, and Spotify simultaneously, congratulations—you're running four separate browsers just to use what could've been native apps or actual websites.

If Only We Could Get Ram

If Only We Could Get Ram
Girls with time machine: emotional family reunions and preventing historical tragedies. Boys with time machine: straight to the computer store circa 2019 to hoard DDR4 before the great RAM shortage apocalypse of 2020-2022. You know your priorities are completely warped when you'd rather stockpile RGB memory sticks than meet your ancestors. But honestly? After watching RAM prices triple during the pandemic and crypto mining boom, can you blame us? That 32GB kit went from $120 to $400 faster than you can say "supply chain issues." The real tragedy is we'd probably go back and still buy the wrong speed or incompatible timings because we didn't check the motherboard QVL. Time travel can't fix poor planning.

I Feel The Same

I Feel The Same
Oh, the delicious irony! A team decides to DITCH AI coding assistants because reviewing AI-generated code is somehow MORE painful than just writing the damn thing yourself. It's like hiring a chef who makes you spend three hours fixing their burnt soufflé instead of just making a sandwich. But wait, there's MORE! The plot twist? Our hero here accidentally became a top 50 Devin user globally and is now pumping out 60 PRs a day. That's right—they complained about AI code being hard to review and then proceeded to become an AI code-generating MACHINE. The call is coming from inside the house! It's like saying "I hate fast food" while secretly working the drive-thru at three different McDonald's locations. The beautiful chaos of 2025: where we simultaneously hate AI coding tools AND can't stop using them. Pick a struggle, people! 🎭

Ew Brother Ew Whats That

Ew Brother Ew Whats That
You know that face you make when you're doing a code review and stumble upon someone allocating memory like they're running a server farm in 1995? That visceral disgust mixed with genuine concern for humanity's future? Yeah, that's the one. The hyper-specific "0.000438 seconds" is chef's kiss because we all know that one dev who profiles everything and then acts like 438 microseconds is the reason the quarterly metrics are down. Meanwhile, there's a nested loop somewhere doing O(n³) operations on the entire user database, but sure, let's focus on this memory allocation that happens once during initialization. The nose wrinkle and raised lip combo is what happens when you see someone creating a new ArrayList inside a loop that runs a million times. Or when they're allocating a 5GB buffer "just to be safe." Brother, the garbage collector is already crying.

Money

Money
Ah yes, the classic interview question that makes everyone suddenly develop amnesia about their childhood dreams. "I wanted to change the world! Innovate! Create!" Nah, who are we kidding? We saw those Silicon Valley salary packages and suddenly algorithms became VERY interesting. Nothing says "passion for technology" quite like realizing you can afford guacamole at Chipotle without checking your bank account first. The brutal honesty is refreshing though—at least Mr. Krabs here isn't pretending he got into CS because he was "fascinated by computational theory" at age 12.

You Can Do Anything At Zombocom

You Can Do Anything At Zombocom
The virgin API consumer is basically every developer's nightmare journey: drowning in OAuth flows, rate limits hitting like a 429 status code to the face, and having to verify everything short of their grandmother's maiden name just to GET some JSON. Meanwhile, they're shackled by tokens, quotas, and the constant fear that the API provider will yank their endpoint away like a rug. Then there's the chad third-party scraper who just... doesn't care. No OAuth? No problem. Rate limits? What rate limits? They're out here parsing HTML with regex (the forbidden technique that makes computer scientists weep), paying captcha farms pennies, and scraping so fast backends are having existential crises. They've got Selenium, curl, and the audacity of someone who's never read a Terms of Service. The best part? "Website thinks his user agent is a phone" and "doesn't care about changes in policies." While legitimate developers are stuck in OAuth hell, scrapers are just spoofing headers and living their best life. The title references Zombocom, that legendary early 2000s website where "you can do anything" – which is exactly how scrapers operate in the lawless wild west of web scraping. Fun fact: Companies spend millions building anti-scraping infrastructure, yet a determined developer with curl and a rotating proxy can still extract their entire database before lunch.