Online Bank Doesn't Know How To Sanitize Input

Billionaire discovers basic database concepts, immediately becomes expert. Classic tech CEO move! Someone should tell him government systems are probably running on COBOL from the 70s with punch cards as backup. The irony of a rocket scientist who doesn't grasp primary keys is just *chef's kiss*. Next week: Elon discovers that computers use electricity and declares it a conspiracy.

When the dev who built your UI validation thought phone numbers were just decorative elements. Somewhere out there, a database is screaming as it stores "74626282613" with no country code, formatting, or validation whatsoever. The slider is a particularly nice touch - nothing says "professional application" like measuring phone digits on a scale from "not enough" to "way too many."

When the news headline meets your actual code... Whoops! This brilliantly pairs a serious news article about SSN theft with what appears to be the culprit's actual implementation. That innocent little loop from 1 to 999999999 is just casually generating and emailing every possible Social Security number to "[email protected]." Nothing suspicious here, folks! Just your average day of accidentally committing federal crimes while trying to pad your GitHub contributions. The perfect balance of "I should probably delete my browser history" and "wait, did I push this to production?"

Ah, the pinnacle of security engineering – displaying the verification code right in the screenshot. Multi-factor authentication? Nah, let's go with zero-factor! Just broadcast your 6-digit code to whoever's recording your screen. That smug arms-crossed pose is the universal "I've made some questionable decisions but I'm standing by them" stance that every dev adopts right before production goes down. Next up: storing passwords in a public GitHub repo called "definitely-not-passwords".

Who needs formal programming languages when you can just post verification codes on social media? Apparently, "vibecoding" means skipping the IDE and letting 435841 become your new function. Security experts are having heart palpitations right now while hackers are sending thank you cards. Next revolutionary paradigm: programming by accidentally leaking your passwords in GitHub commits.

So this is the legendary code that saved humanity from alien invasion? Functions like bendColumnY and WorryWord(111000) must be the secret sauce! Hollywood's idea of hacking is basically "throw random tech words in a blender and make it blue." If aliens can be defeated by this gibberish, they deserve extinction. Their billion-year-old technology got pwned by what looks like a drunk intern's first attempt at coding after a Red Bull bender. No wonder Will Smith had time to punch an alien and smoke a cigar - the extraterrestrials were too busy trying to parse superior = SecDelay($IntoSecA*$IntoSecB)*HostValX .