All According To Keikaku

Junior developer: "How do I remember what my code does?" Senior developer: "That's the neat part. You don't." The true hallmark of experience isn't perfect memory—it's the calm acceptance that you'll inevitably forget everything you write. That's why we have comments, documentation, and git blame. The senior's mustache contains more wisdom than all of StackOverflow combined.

Dad bursts in with his cowboy hat energy while junior's GitHub contributions page looks like a graveyard of red X's. Nothing says "I'm coding" like having absolutely nothing to show for it. The classic parent-developer relationship – they think we're building the next Facebook, but really we're just staring at Stack Overflow and hoping our failed PR doesn't get mentioned at the next standup. The commit history doesn't lie, kid.

The 2:34 AM text message that ruins your sleep cycle faster than a memory leak. Nothing says "professional workplace" like getting blasted for missing a meeting you weren't even invited to, followed by a critique of your commit messages that could've waited until business hours. The cherry on top? That passive-aggressive "YOLO" sign-off. Because nothing screams "I'm a reasonable team lead" like sending career threats via text message in the middle of the night and ending with 2010's most overused acronym. This is why developers keep their phones on silent and their resumes updated.

That seductive smile when you're about to do something you know is dangerous but you're too deep in technical debt to care anymore. The --force flag is basically Git's way of saying "I'll let you shoot yourself in the foot, but don't come crying to me when your repo is irreparably broken." After your 48,283rd merge conflict, you develop a twisted Stockholm syndrome relationship with destructive Git commands. You're not even afraid anymore - just numb to the consequences of overwriting your colleagues' work.

Oh the beautiful double meaning of "git gud"! 😂 For gamers, it's just trash talk telling them to improve their skills. They brush it off and level up! But for programmers? It's an existential crisis that sends us straight into a spiral of version control nightmares! That Pro Git book might as well be titled "500 Ways to Fix the Mess You Made with Your Repository." Every developer has had that moment of pure dread when they realize they need to actually understand Git beyond just commit and push. The pain is REAL!

Someone turned Git commands into a Spotify playlist, and it's the soundtrack of my existential coding crisis. First you "Pull," then "Push It" (real Salt-N-Pepa style), followed by "Merge" which takes a whopping 6 minutes because merges never go smoothly. Then comes the inevitable "Conflict" track, followed by the desperate "Pull Request" plea to your senior dev. The playlist climaxes with "Blame" and Taylor Swift's "Don't Blame Me" because we all know git blame is just the beginning of the finger-pointing ceremony. Finally, when all else fails, there's "REVERT" and "Cherry Picking" to salvage what's left of your dignity and codebase. This playlist is basically the 9 stages of Git grief.