All According To Keikaku

Microsoft's "brilliant" business strategy exposed! 🧠💰 Step 1: Pay engineers to build something Step 2: Fire those same engineers Step 3: Make the product open source Step 4: Watch the now-unemployed engineers maintain it for free Step 5: Profit The ultimate corporate galaxy brain move - why pay for labor when you can exploit passion projects and community goodwill? Nothing says "we value developers" quite like turning your workforce into unpaid volunteers!

When your love story begins in a GitHub issue thread, you know you've found someone special. Daniel struck gold by finding a woman who can actually commit — a rare skill both in relationships and version control. Mickey's pun game is strong, but Jashan takes it to the next level with that branch warning. The ultimate developer relationship advice: maintain a clean commit history and never let anyone fork your significant other's repository. Relationship status: Successfully merged without conflicts.

The ultimate chaos decree! Pushing directly to main is basically the software equivalent of playing Russian roulette with production. Any seasoned developer knows that mandating "all developers must push to main" is like ordering everyone to juggle flaming chainsaws while blindfolded. The beauty of git branches is they let you break things in isolation before merging your dumpster fire with everyone else's code. This executive order would send shivers down the spine of any DevOps engineer – it's basically declaring "let there be bugs!" Might as well set up a dedicated Slack channel called #production-is-down-again for the inevitable aftermath.

The classic "test in production" approach - because who needs staging environments when you've got paying customers as your QA team? Nothing quite matches that adrenaline rush of pushing untested code straight to prod and then watching the Slack channel explode while frantically typing "git revert" with one hand and reaching for coffee with the other. It's like skydiving, except the parachute is made of Stack Overflow answers and desperate prayers.

The AUDACITY of some developers! 💅 First, they quietly fork some poor abandoned GitHub repo that's been collecting digital dust for years. Then these ABSOLUTE MASTERMINDS update a few libraries, slap on their precious little feature, and have the sheer NERVE to declare their fork as the "new official source" on the original repo. But wait, it gets better! When actual humans dare to ask questions or submit PRs? *GHOSTED* faster than your ex after saying "we need to talk." The clown makeup progression is just *chef's kiss* - from mild deception to full-on open-source circus performer! It's the GitHub equivalent of claiming squatter's rights on someone's code and then ignoring the neighbors!

First panel: Developers screaming at git rebase like it's some kind of monster. Second panel: Violently attacking it anyway because the team lead said so. Third panel: Reluctantly doing a pull rebase because there's no other choice. Fourth panel: That weird dopamine hit when your commit history is suddenly all clean and linear instead of looking like spaghetti thrown at a wall. Fun fact: The average developer spends 43% of their career avoiding rebases until they finally try it once and become insufferable evangelists about it.