Banking Memes

Posts tagged with Banking

Banking Experience
Agile Devops Programming Backend Testing
8 days ago 4.2M views 0 shares
Banking Experience
Banking IT is where bureaucracy goes to die... slowly... over the course of several months while you wait for access permissions. This beautifully captures the Kafkaesque nightmare of working in financial institutions where you spend 3 months just getting set up, another month actually coding, and then watch your release fail because someone sneezed during deployment. The real kicker? Step 16 creates an infinite loop back to step 8, meaning you're basically stuck in development purgatory forever. And that casual "I'll explain how hotfixes are done later!" at the end? Chef's kiss. Because if the regular release process is THIS painful, imagine trying to push an emergency fix. You'd probably need to schedule a meeting to schedule a meeting to request permission to think about scheduling the hotfix. Fun fact: Banks run on systems so old that COBOL programmers are being pulled out of retirement. The red tape isn't a bug, it's a feature designed to make sure nothing ever changes too quickly. Because when you're handling people's money, apparently the solution is to make everything move at the speed of continental drift.

He Said The Pay Is Good
Backend Programming Databases Debugging
3 months ago 23.4M views 0 shares
He Said The Pay Is Good
Nothing screams "danger pay" quite like being told you'll be wrapping a COBOL mainframe system. For context, COBOL is a language from 1959 that's still running critical banking and government systems because nobody dares touch them. Creating a wrapper means you're building a modern interface around ancient, undocumented spaghetti code that predates the moon landing. The "then you can leave" energy is perfect because this is genuinely one of those nightmare scenarios where the compensation better be astronomical. You're essentially being asked to become an archaeologist, translator, and diplomat all at once—deciphering cryptic business logic written by programmers who are probably retired (or worse, still maintaining it). The code comments? Non-existent. The documentation? "Ask Jerry, but he left in 1987." Fun fact: COBOL still powers about 43% of banking systems and processes roughly 95% of ATM transactions. So yeah, the pay should be good, because you're literally keeping civilization's financial infrastructure from collapsing.

The Todo That Outlived Its Author
Programming Backend Debugging
5 months ago 438.5K views 1 shares
The Todo That Outlived Its Author
Nothing says "legacy code" quite like a TODO comment from 1987 asking you to replace a COBOL system. The programmer who wrote that comment? Probably retired to a beach somewhere in 2005. The COBOL system? Still chugging along like it's got something to prove. Banks and financial institutions are basically archaeological sites at this point. Somewhere deep in their infrastructure, there's a COBOL mainframe handling billions of dollars in transactions, held together by duct tape, prayers, and the three remaining people on Earth who can read the code. That TODO comment has watched empires fall, the internet rise, and JavaScript frameworks come and go every 3 months. The best part? Nobody's touching it. Why? Because it works. And in programming, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" is less of a guideline and more of a survival instinct. That COBOL system will probably outlive us all.

From A Multinational Bank Too
Backend Webdev Programming Frontend
7 months ago 568.8K views 0 shares
From A Multinational Bank Too
Nothing screams "enterprise-grade documentation" quite like receiving your API specification as JSON snippets copy-pasted into Excel cells. Because why use OpenAPI/Swagger specs, Postman collections, or literally any proper API documentation tool when you can just... Excel ? The fact that this came from a multinational bank makes it even more delicious. Somewhere in their tech stack, they're handling billions in transactions with microservices and distributed systems, but when it comes to sharing API docs? Excel spreadsheet it is! The JSON is probably beautifully formatted too—until Excel decides that your timestamps are dates and your IDs need to be in scientific notation. Props to whoever had to parse through those cells trying to figure out which curly brace belongs where. Hope they didn't need to copy-paste that JSON anywhere, because Excel definitely added some invisible characters for flavor.

From A Multinational Bank Too
Backend Programming Webdev
7 months ago 534.6K views 0 shares
From A Multinational Bank Too
Nothing screams "enterprise-grade documentation" quite like receiving JSON screenshots pasted into Excel cells. Because why use OpenAPI/Swagger specs, Postman collections, or literally any structured format when you can squint at pixelated text in a spreadsheet? The fact that this is coming from a multinational bank with presumably billions in revenue makes it even more chef's kiss. Someone probably spent hours meticulously screenshotting each endpoint, carefully pasting them into Excel, and thought "yes, this is the professional way." Meanwhile, the developer receiving this masterpiece gets to manually type out every field, guess the data types, and pray they didn't miss anything because zooming into cell B47 isn't helping. The frog's dignified expression perfectly captures the internal screaming while maintaining that corporate professionalism.

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Cobol Post
Programming Backend
7 months ago 346.2K views 0 shares
Cobol Post
While everyone's fighting over whether React is better than Vue or if TypeScript is worth the hassle, COBOL developers are just sitting there eating their lunch, completely unbothered, making six figures maintaining banking systems from 1972. The language is older than most developers' parents, yet it still runs 95% of ATM transactions and 80% of in-person transactions. Banks literally can't find enough COBOL programmers, so they're paying obscene amounts to anyone who knows it. Meanwhile, the rest of us are rewriting our apps in the framework-of-the-month for the third time this year. Job security? More like job immortality. Those mainframes aren't going anywhere.

I Am Not Ready For This!!
Programming Backend Databases
8 months ago 609.8K views 0 shares
I Am Not Ready For This!!
When you're fresh out of bootcamp learning React and TypeScript, then someone casually mentions COBOL and you're like "what's that?" only to watch senior devs collectively lose their minds. For context: COBOL (Common Business-Oriented Language) was created in 1959 and is still running critical banking systems, insurance companies, and government infrastructure worldwide. We're talking billions of transactions daily on code older than your parents. The problem? Nobody wants to learn it, everyone who knows it is retiring, and banks are desperately clinging to these systems because rewriting them would be like performing open-heart surgery on a patient running a marathon. New programmers see it as ancient history that should be extinct. Banks see it as the immovable foundation of global finance that cannot be destroyed without triggering financial apocalypse. The cognitive dissonance is *chef's kiss*. Fun fact: There are an estimated 220 billion lines of COBOL still in production today. That's roughly 43% of all banking systems. Sleep tight! 💀

Lebron James
Java Databases Backend Programming Debugging
8 months ago 548.8K views 0 shares
Lebron James
Ah yes, the classic floating-point precision nightmare strikes again! LeBron apparently set his user balance to exactly 100 dollars, but because he used a double (floating-point) instead of a proper decimal type for monetary values, the database now cheerfully displays $99.99999999999 instead of a clean $100. The facepalm is well-deserved. Rule #1 of financial applications: never use floating-point types for money! Binary floating-point can't accurately represent decimal fractions like 0.1, leading to these delightful rounding errors that'll have your accounting department hunting you down. Should've used BigDecimal, DECIMAL, or literally anything designed for exact decimal arithmetic. Even the GOAT isn't immune to the IEEE 754 curse. Stick to the fundamentals, King. 👑

Banks Love COBOL
Programming Backend Databases Security
11 months ago 439.8K views 0 shares
Banks Love COBOL
The entire financial world runs on COBOL code written when dinosaurs roamed the earth. New programmers see this ancient language and want it burned at the stake, but banks cling to it like Gollum with the precious ring. Why rewrite millions of lines of working code when you can just pay COBOL developers obscene amounts of money instead? The banking industry's motto: "If it's broken enough to work for 60 years, don't fix it."

Cobol: The One Ring Of Banking
Programming Backend Databases
11 months ago 483.7K views 0 shares
Cobol: The One Ring Of Banking
Young devs want to burn COBOL with fire, but banks cling to it like Gollum's precious. Why? Because those 60-year-old mainframes still process $3 trillion in daily transactions . Try migrating that legacy code and watch your career evaporate faster than VC funding in a recession. The ultimate job security isn't knowing the latest JavaScript framework—it's being the last person alive who remembers how to maintain that ancient COBOL system nobody dares to replace.

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Exceling Since 1985
Microsoft Programming Windows Databases
1 year ago 498.4K views 0 shares
Exceling Since 1985
The trillion-dollar financial industry, with all its complex algorithms and fancy trading platforms, still ultimately depends on a bunch of spreadsheets held together by duct tape and prayers. Nothing quite captures the fragility of modern capitalism like knowing your retirement fund is probably being managed by some sleep-deprived analyst with 47 Excel tabs open, praying that their VLOOKUP doesn't break. And somewhere, a banker is explaining to investors why their sophisticated risk assessment model is actually just a spreadsheet formula created in 1998.

Your Null Has Been Shipped
Programming Debugging Backend Databases
1 year ago 619.6K views 0 shares
Your Null Has Been Shipped
Looks like U.S. Bank just shipped the most valuable thing in programming—absolutely nothing! They're proudly announcing they've shipped null , complete with tracking capabilities. Sure, go ahead and track that non-existent card. Reminds me of those times when the backend team promises to deliver "something" by Friday, and then sends an empty JSON object. At least they're honest about shipping nothing instead of pretending it's a "feature-light release." The best part? Null is apparently "on its way" to an address they have "on file"—which probably means it'll arrive exactly never to precisely nowhere.