Check Whether Your Private Key Is Used

Ah, the great language wars continue. Rust evangelists love to preach about memory safety while conveniently ignoring that you basically have to type "unsafe" every time you need to do anything actually useful. It's like having a car with 15 seatbelts but you have to unbuckle them all just to reach the gas pedal. The irony is delicious - a language designed for safety that forces you to explicitly opt out of that safety to get real work done. Reminds me of that coworker who lectures everyone about clean code but has a "temporary" folder with 5 years of hacks.

Ah, the classic bait-and-switch of tech job descriptions! Squidward's initial excitement at a promising job opportunity immediately deflates when he spots the deal-breaker: "ability to obtain a US government security clearance." For those in the tech world, this is the equivalent of finding out your dream date has a strict "must not have posted anything questionable online ever" policy. Between questionable forum posts, that one time you downloaded something sketchy, or that phase where you thought anarchist manifestos were cool reading material—most developers' internet history is basically a government background check's worst nightmare. The security clearance requirement is basically corporate-speak for "we need someone with the online purity of a newborn baby but the coding skills of a 40-year veteran."

The ultimate tech interview power move. Skip the résumé, just hack the interviewer's calendar. Bonus points for finding their salary spreadsheet while you're in there. When they ask about your "ethical hacking skills," just stare blankly and say "what ethics?"

The name's Bond. Technical Debt Bond. Licensed to deploy untested code directly to production. That "007" isn't just a cool spy number—it's a scoreboard: 0 tests, 0 documentation, and 7 critical vulnerabilities that would make Q have a nervous breakdown. The only thing more dangerous than facing a villain with a laser is maintaining this codebase next week when everyone's forgotten how it works. Shaken, not unit tested.

That moment when GitHub Copilot helpfully suggests your private API key that you accidentally committed to a repo six months ago. Nothing like having your $5000/month AWS bill exposed by an AI that's just trying to be helpful. Security through obscurity fails again.

Ah, the classic case of overengineering a solution for a problem that barely exists. Imagine using nanosecond precision for generating unique tokens in an app that only five people use, and STILL getting collisions. That's like bringing a nuclear warhead to kill a spider and somehow missing. For the uninitiated, a "nonce" is a number used just once in security protocols. Using nanoseconds (billionths of a second) should be massive overkill for uniqueness in a tiny app, yet somehow this dev defied probability itself. The cat's expression perfectly captures that moment of existential crisis when you realize the universe is conspiring against your code.