authentication Memes

Auth Is Auth

14 hours ago 82.6K views 0 shares

The eternal comedy of our industry: Manager wants a feature for "authorized paying users" but tells dev to "implement authentication." Dev with actual security knowledge asks the critical question – authentication or authorization? – only to be met with blank stares and "There's a difference?" For the uninitiated (and apparently the manager): Authentication is proving you are who you say you are (login/password). Authorization is determining what you're allowed to do once identified. The final panel showing the desperate Google search is the universal developer coping mechanism after 10 years of explaining this distinction to people who'll forget it by the next sprint planning.

The Ultimate Login Nightmare

Security Programming Debugging Testing Backend

2 days ago 72.0K views 0 shares

Ah, the classic security blunder that makes security professionals spit coffee. The code shows "brute-force attack protection" that only triggers the error message when the password is correct AND it's the first login attempt. So basically, it tells attackers "congrats, you got the right password, just try again!" Meanwhile, the kid who wrote this monstrosity sits there with a smug grin while the entire IT department has a collective aneurysm. This is why we can't have nice things in cybersecurity.

Suspicious Login

Security Networking Programming

3 days ago 50.7K views 0 shares

When your security system flags your own home network as "suspicious." The IP address 192.168.240.1 is a private IP address that can only be accessed from within your local network—literally your own devices. It's like getting a text from your spouse asking who that stranger in your bed is... while they're lying next to you. The real security threat is apparently the security system itself.

Epic Games Login In A Nutshell

Gamedev Security Programming

8 days ago 70.1K views 0 shares

The eternal struggle of gaming platform authentication! Steam's session tokens are like diamonds - they last forever. You can abandon your PC for months, come back, and Steam's like "welcome back old friend!" Meanwhile, Epic Games Launcher treats your login credentials like they're written in disappearing ink. Two days away? "I've never met this man in my life." Their token expiration must be set to approximately 37 minutes. It's the digital equivalent of your grandmother forgetting who you are despite seeing you last weekend. The security engineer who configured Epic's token timeout was clearly traumatized by a session hijacking in a previous life. Or maybe they just really enjoy watching users type their passwords over and over and over again...

It's A Feature Not A Bug

Microsoft Windows Programming

9 days ago 57.0K views 0 shares

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of Microsoft with their "Stay signed in?" prompt! 😱 That little checkbox promising to "reduce the number of times you are asked to sign in" is the BIGGEST FANTASY since my code worked on the first try! The tweet nails it - what IS the most successful lie in history? Spoiler alert: it's that checkbox! ✨ I've clicked "Yes" and checked that box approximately 7,492 times on my work laptop, and yet Microsoft still has the NERVE to ask me again 5 minutes later like we're complete strangers who've never met! It's the digital equivalent of your ex pretending they don't recognize you at the grocery store! 💔

O(n) Authentication: When Your Login System Is Also A Performance Test

Javascript Webdev Security Programming Debugging

11 days ago 76.3K views 0 shares

O(n) Authentication: When Your Login System Is Also A Performance Test

The function loops through ALL USERS to find one with matching credentials instead of using a proper query. The comment is the chef's kiss: "This only works because there are not many users." It's like saying "my car doesn't need brakes because I don't drive fast." Bonus security nightmare: they're storing password hashes but comparing them directly instead of hashing the input password first. This authentication is basically a time bomb wrapped in spaghetti code!

Create A Strong Password

Security Webdev Programming Frontend

12 days ago 96.1K views 0 shares

Google: "Create a strong password with a mix of letters, numbers and symbols" Me: *types "ChuckNorris"* Google: "Password is too strong" That's not a bug, it's a feature! Chuck Norris doesn't need special characters—he IS the special character. Password strength meters just surrender when they encounter his name. The system isn't broken; it's just acknowledging that no hacker would dare attempt to breach an account protected by the roundhouse kick of passwords.

Terrible Auth: The Digital Doorman Who Always Says Yes

Security C++ Programming Debugging Testing

14 days ago 92.5K views 0 shares

Terrible Auth: The Digital Doorman Who Always Says Yes

The first part of this authentication function is actually doing its job—checking if the password matches. But then comes the security masterpiece: if (true == true) . Congratulations, you've created the digital equivalent of a bouncer who checks your ID and then lets you in anyway because "yep, gravity still works!" This function will authenticate literally anyone who gets past the first check... or fails it and just keeps trying. Security experts hate this one weird trick!

Authenticate The Authentication

Security Typescript Programming Backend

15 days ago 88.2K views 0 shares

When your authentication system is so secure, it needs to authenticate itself before authenticating users. That method signature is the programming equivalent of saying "I'm going to need to see some ID for your ID." The poor guy trapped in authentication purgatory is every developer who's had to implement OAuth2 with refresh tokens while their PM keeps asking "why can't users just login with a password?"

URL Parameters: The Ultimate Security Protocol

Security Webdev Programming Frontend Backend

16 days ago 68.6K views 0 shares

URL Parameters: The Ultimate Security Protocol

Look at that URL parameter: isGina=false . Some developer really said "let's just hardcode user identity in the query string" and called it a day. Security through obscurity at its finest! Next time Gina forgets her password, she just needs to hack the URL to isGina=true and boom—instant access. Who needs authentication when you can just tell the system who you are? Somewhere a security engineer is having a panic attack while the intern who wrote this is proudly adding "implemented user authentication system" to their resume.

Multilevel Security System

Security Programming Debugging Backend

17 days ago 63.0K views 0 shares

Ah, the infamous triple authentication check! Because checking once if a user is authorized wasn't paranoid enough, so let's do it THREE times in nested if statements. It's like telling your crush "Are you sure? Are you really sure? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?" before believing they actually like you. The funniest part? This code would functionally be identical to a single authorization check. It's the security equivalent of locking your door, then checking it's locked, then checking again... while leaving your windows wide open. Somewhere, a senior developer is having heart palpitations looking at this redundant security theater.

Such Requirements

Security Programming

29 days ago 107.7K views 0 shares

Oh. My. GOD! 😱 The absolute AUDACITY of this organization demanding a PIN between 80 and 127 characters?! What am I supposed to do, type out the entire Declaration of Independence as my PIN?! 🔐 This is the security equivalent of asking someone to recite pi to 100 decimal places while standing on one foot during an earthquake. Congratulations, your account is now Fort Knox, but you'll NEVER be able to log in again because WHO REMEMBERS AN 80+ CHARACTER PIN?! The best part? They call it a "PIN" - as if "Personal Identification Novel" was what that acronym stood for all along. At this point, just ask for my DNA sample and firstborn child instead! 💀

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