authentication Memes

Do The Token Dance For Me
Backend Webdev Security Programming Debugging
2 days ago 197.9K views 1 shares
Do The Token Dance For Me
The eternal struggle between those who need OAuth tokens, API keys, and JWT configurations to function versus those who can just push untested code straight to production and call it a day. While everyone else is juggling authentication flows and refresh token rotations, you're out here manually creating race conditions and null pointer exceptions like it's an art form. No frameworks, no libraries, no safety nets—just raw, unfiltered chaos. The vibe coders are dancing through their elaborate setup rituals while you sit there on your throne, knowing you've achieved what they could only dream of: breaking things faster than they can fix them.

This Is So Bad That It's So Good
Security Programming php Databases Backend
2 days ago 191.7K views 0 shares
This Is So Bad That It's So Good
Someone just reinvented the equality operator with extra steps. The ifBothCorrect function literally just checks if two values are equal, but instead of using === or == , they wrote an entire function that assigns them to variables, compares them, and returns true or false. It's like using a forklift to pick up a pencil. But wait, there's more! The authentication logic fetches ALL usernames and ALL passwords from the database, then loops through them in nested foreach loops to validate credentials. That's O(n²) complexity for what should be a single database query. Your database is crying. Your security team is crying. I'm crying. The cherry on top? They're storing passwords in plain text (look at that getAllPasswords() call). This code is a security audit's final boss. It's so beautifully terrible that it almost feels like performance art.

When Your Pin Is Stronger Than Your Bank Balance 😂
Security Programming
9 days ago 216.7K views 0 shares
When Your Pin Is Stronger Than Your Bank Balance 😂
Nothing says "junior developer life" quite like having military-grade encryption protecting absolutely nothing. Your account has more layers of security than Fort Knox, complete with 2FA, biometric authentication, and a 4-digit PIN that took you 20 minutes to decide on... all to guard $47.32 and a pending charge from your last coffee-fueled debugging session. The puppy standing protectively over the kitten really captures that energy of "I will defend this with my life" when there's genuinely nothing worth stealing. It's like implementing OAuth2 on your personal blog that gets 3 visitors a month. Sure, it's secure, but who exactly are we keeping out here? Fun fact: Banks spend billions on security infrastructure while most of us are out here protecting our two-digit balances like they're state secrets. At least when hackers breach your account, they'll leave disappointed. That's a different kind of security through obscurity.

Me In 2050
Cloud Security Microsoft Windows
11 days ago 242.8K views 1 shares
Me In 2050
The year is 2050. Tech companies have finally achieved their ultimate dream: forcing everyone to authenticate through their cloud services for literally everything. Want to access your own files on your own machine? Sorry buddy, Microsoft/Google/Apple needs to verify your identity first. The UN peacekeepers are here to "help" you migrate to the cloud, but you're having none of it. You've barricaded yourself in your home office, clutching your local user account like it's the last bastion of digital freedom. They can pry your offline credentials from your cold, dead hands. Future historians will call this the Great Local Account Resistance of 2050. Your grandchildren will ask "What was a local user account, grandpa?" and you'll shed a single tear while explaining the ancient times when you could actually own your own computer without needing internet permission to use it.

Love Living In A Timeline Where MS Paint Has A Login Screen. What Went Wrong With Microsoft?
Microsoft Azure Windows Cloud
13 days ago 225.0K views 0 shares
Love Living In A Timeline Where MS Paint Has A Login Screen. What Went Wrong With Microsoft?
Remember when you could just... open Paint and draw? Those were simpler times. Now Microsoft wants you to sign in with your Microsoft account just to scribble some pixels on a canvas. It's like needing a passport to use a crayon. The SpongeBob "Caveman" meme format captures the sheer absurdity perfectly—primitive brain trying to comprehend why a 30-year-old bitmap editor that literally just pushes RGB values around needs cloud integration and user authentication. Next thing you know, they'll add AI-powered brush strokes and a subscription tier for the color picker. This is peak modern Microsoft: take something that worked fine since Windows 3.1, "modernize" it by shoving Azure AD authentication down its throat, and call it innovation. Paint used to be 2MB of pure simplicity. Now it probably phones home more than Windows Telemetry.

AWS And Its Complicated Shit Needs To Die
AWS Security Devops Backend Cloud
15 days ago 341.6K views 0 shares
AWS And Its Complicated Shit Needs To Die
You know a system is overengineered when "just authenticate" requires a flowchart that looks like a Rube Goldberg machine designed by someone who hates humanity. Normal auth: hand over credentials, get token, done. Simple. Elegant. Works. AWS IAM: Create a user. No wait, create a policy first. Actually, create a role. Now assume that role. But first, authenticate with an assumed role. Oh, and calculate a quadruple-nested HMAC signature using AWS4, your secret key, a timestamp that better be formatted EXACTLY right (good luck with timezones), the region, the service name, and probably your firstborn's social security number. Then pray you didn't mess up the date format because AWS will reject your request with a cryptic error message at 3 AM. Fun fact: AWS Signature Version 4 requires you to create a "canonical request" by hashing your request, then create a "string to sign" by hashing that hash, then calculate the signature by... you guessed it, more hashing. It's hashes all the way down. Security through obscurity? Nah, security through making developers cry. IAM stands for "I Absolutely Miserable" at this point.

Manager Does A Little Code
Backend Security Devops Programming Debugging
20 days ago 283.5K views 0 shares
Manager Does A Little Code
When your manager decides to "optimize" the codebase by shutting down "unnecessary" microservices, and suddenly 2FA stops working because—surprise!—everything in a microservices architecture is actually connected to everything else. Elon casually announces he's turning off "bloatware" microservices at Twitter (less than 20% are "actually needed"), and within hours people are locked out because the 2FA service got yeeted into the void. Classic move: treating a distributed system like it's a messy closet you can just Marie Kondo your way through. "Does this microservice spark joy? No? DELETE." Pro tip: Before you start playing Thanos with your infrastructure, maybe check what those services actually do. That "bloatware" might be the thing keeping your users from rage-tweeting about being locked out... oh wait. 💀

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Who Could Have Predicted It
Security Webdev Programming Databases Backend
21 days ago 347.8K views 0 shares
Who Could Have Predicted It
Storing passwords in plain text? That's not a security flaw, that's a cry for help. Someone out there built a website where you could log in as User A, casually change User B's password, and the system just... let it happen. Because why hash passwords when you can live dangerously? The real kicker? They're posting this in r/google_antigravity expecting sympathy, as if Google's AI products should somehow be immune to the consequences of Security 101 violations. Spoiler alert: even the most advanced AI can't protect you from storing credentials like it's 1995. The "Venting" tag really ties it all together. Nothing says professional development quite like discovering your authentication system is basically a public notepad with extra steps.

This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft Webdev Frontend
21 days ago 252.3K views 0 shares
This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft's "Stay signed in?" dialog is the tech equivalent of a lying ex. You click "Yes" and check "Don't show this again" hoping for a better tomorrow, but like clockwork, you're greeted with the same damn prompt next session. The checkbox might as well be a placebo button at this point. It's like Microsoft is gaslighting us into thinking we have control over our authentication experience. Spoiler alert: we don't. Your browser cookies? Cleared. Your session? Expired. Your patience? Gone. But hey, at least they asked nicely before wasting your time again tomorrow.

Salty
Security Programming Backend
22 days ago 231.0K views 0 shares
Salty
When your password security is so bad that even the waitress knows your hashing strategy. Guy orders something at the diner and can't identify what's on his plate, but don't worry—they salted the hash. You know, for security. Salting hashes is Password Storage 101: you add random data to passwords before hashing so two identical passwords don't produce the same hash. It's literally the bare minimum you should be doing if you're storing user credentials. But here's the thing—if someone's complaining they "can't identify" what they're looking at, your security probably has bigger problems than whether you remembered to salt. The "Privacy Diner" is serving up cryptographic puns with a side of existential dread about how your data is actually being handled. Spoiler: it's probably not as secure as you think.

This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft Security Azure Windows
23 days ago 266.7K views 0 shares
This Never Fucking Works
Microsoft's login system asking if you want to stay signed in, promising to "reduce the number of times you are asked to sign in." Then there's the "Don't show this again" checkbox. Spoiler alert: you'll see this dialog tomorrow. And the day after. And every single day until the heat death of the universe. These checkboxes are basically digital placebos. You click them with hope in your heart, believing this time will be different. It never is. Microsoft will ask you to sign in again before you finish your coffee. The checkbox might as well say "Click here to feel momentarily empowered before we ignore your preferences entirely." The "Yes" button to stay signed in? Also decorative. Your session will expire faster than milk left on a radiator.

Starboy 98
Security Programming Databases Backend
23 days ago 193.0K views 0 shares
Starboy 98
Plot twist: you're trying to create a new account and the system just casually exposes that someone else is already using your go-to password. Congrats on the world's worst security implementation—instead of saying "username taken," they're out here revealing password collisions like it's no big deal. Starboy98 is having an existential crisis because either: (a) someone stole their signature password, (b) they forgot they already made an account, or (c) they just discovered their "unique" password is about as original as using "password123." The Mike Wazowski face really captures that moment when you realize your password game is weak and the database architect's security game is even weaker. Pro tip: If a website can tell you your password is already in use by another user, run. That means they're storing passwords in plaintext or comparing them before hashing. Yikes.