Banks Love COBOL

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The heroic handshake between Frontend and Backend devs with JSON as their sacred treaty is what keeps the internet running. Meanwhile, the "Full Stack" dev is just Tom from Tom & Jerry, hiding under the table and pretending they're equally proficient at both. Sure, they can build an entire app, but with the CSS skills of a backend dev and the database design of a frontend dev. It's the tech equivalent of being mediocre at two instruments instead of mastering one. But hey, companies love hiring one person to do two jobs for 1.2x the salary!

Ah, the classic developer self-burn. When your code refuses to run, so you decide to go for a run yourself... only to discover your cardiovascular system has the same compilation errors as your project. Nothing like realizing your physical fitness is just as deprecated as your programming skills. At least your code has a valid excuse—it was written by you. What's your body's excuse after years of "I'll exercise tomorrow" commits that never got pushed?

The fossilized remains of a developer who DARED to ask for a code review! ☠️ Honey, some say he submitted his PR during sprint planning and turned into LITERAL DUST while refreshing GitHub notifications. The archaeological evidence suggests he waited through THREE COMPANY RESTRUCTURES and a complete rewrite of the codebase before finally perishing. His last words were reportedly "just a quick review plz" sent via Slack at 4:59pm on a Friday. Tragic, yet completely avoidable if literally ANYONE on his team had bothered to look at his branch. Pour one out for our fallen comrade! 💀

The DUALITY of the programmer's soul laid bare! 😱 When we're DESPERATELY hunting for documentation, we transform into feral Gollum, ready to sacrifice our firstborn for a single paragraph explaining that obscure API. "MUST HAVE THE PRECIOUS DOCS!" we screech while frantically clicking through GitHub issues at 3 AM. But the MOMENT someone suggests WE write documentation? Suddenly we're covering our ears like traumatized Sméagol, absolutely REFUSING to acknowledge such a horrifying request. "NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING!" Because writing docs is basically volunteering for torture when there's "real coding" to be done!

Content my team imgilip.com me after breaking the git repo