Exceling Since 1985

The evolution of programming efficiency is hilariously tragic. In 1975, Chad programmers hand-optimized machine code to squeeze games into kilobytes. By 2000, we'd accepted some bloat for productivity with high-level languages. Fast forward to 2025, and we've got "programmers" creating calculator apps that consume 1GB of RAM because they've stuffed 69 frameworks into an Electron wrapper. Meanwhile, they're busy impressing AI girlfriends while Microsoft casually commits open-source theft. We went from calculating trajectories to the moon on 4KB of RAM to needing 16GB just to run VS Code without crashing. Progress™

The cosmic revelation that Microsoft Office, Apple iWork, and Java are all secretly compressed archives in disguise. That moment when you realize your fancy productivity software is just wearing a fancy trench coat over what's essentially a folder of files. Fun fact: Most modern document formats (.docx, .pptx, .xlsx) are actually ZIP archives with XML files inside. Rename them with a .zip extension and extract them to see the horrifying truth. Your 10MB PowerPoint presentation is just a collection of XML files, images, and metadata wearing a digital suit. The astronaut with the gun is all of us after spending years creating "documents" only to discover we've just been making fancy ZIP files this whole time. The betrayal!

Microsoft really said "you know what your local storage needs? More cloud integration!" and proceeded to make OneDrive the default save location for literally everything. Desktop? OneDrive. Documents? OneDrive. That random screenshot you took? Believe it or not, also OneDrive. Nothing quite like opening File Explorer expecting to see your actual local files, only to discover OneDrive has staged a hostile takeover of your entire directory structure. Your C drive didn't retire, it just got forcibly migrated to the cloud without its consent. And good luck trying to disable it—Microsoft treats that "Turn off OneDrive" button like it's a suggestion, not a command. The best part? When you're on a slow connection and can't access YOUR OWN FILES because they're "syncing." Peak innovation right there.

Jensen Huang really out here catching strays for making GPUs so expensive that Microsoft and Nvidia became household names for draining corporate budgets. But you know what? The man deserves credit where credit is due. He didn't just create a tech company—he created "Microslop Nshitia," the beautiful merger of bloated software and overpriced hardware that perfectly encapsulates modern tech. Your AI model needs 8 H100s to run? That'll be the GDP of a small nation, thanks. Want to train anything? Better get that enterprise license from Microsoft Azure while you're at it. It's the perfect ecosystem: Microsoft provides the cloud infrastructure to burn money, and Nvidia provides the GPUs to set that money on fire even faster. The Drake meme format really captures the vibe—rejecting the individual corporate overlords but fully embracing their unholy alliance. Because if you're gonna get fleeced, might as well get fleeced by the dream team.

Content MR To: brett Microsoft Recruiting recruitingjobs.microsoft.com 4222021 12:08 PM - Microsoft Hi Invalid Variable, We appreciate your interest in a career at Microsoft. Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your candidacy for the position of Invalid Variable, Invalid Variable at this time. However, we'd like to encourage you to continue to explore other career opportunities on Microsoft Careers as we continually update openings on a daily basis. We look forward to considering you for other positions at Microsoft! Thank you, Microsoft Recruiting

Content If the box says: "This software works on Windows 7 or better" Does that mean it'll run on Linux?