Santa's Code Review Policy

When your CSS finally works and the cat fits purr fectly in the container! That beautiful moment when width: 100% and height: 100% actually do what you want instead of causing overflow chaos. The cat is now fully responsive and contained - unlike most of my elements that either escape their boxes or collapse into weird shapes. No media queries needed for this feline layout! Fun fact: Cats naturally follow the box model better than most browsers. If it fits, they sits - no margin or padding calculations required.

Ah yes, another revolutionary startup idea: Tailwind CSS + dark theme + neon colors. The holy trinity of "I'm totally not building the same thing as everyone else." Squidward's sarcasm perfectly captures what happens when you pitch your groundbreaking web app to anyone who's seen more than three websites in the past decade. Next you'll tell me you're using React and MongoDB too. Truly disruptive.

Ah yes, the JavaScript ecosystem's finest moment: people literally typing npm i malware and hitting enter. The package is 9 years old, hasn't been updated since, and somehow still claims 12 victims weekly. This is why we can't have nice things in the npm registry. Some dev probably thought "surely nobody would be dumb enough to install something LITERALLY called malware" and yet here we are, with a steady heartbeat on that download graph. Those 12 weekly downloads are either security researchers, extremely curious cats with disposable VMs, or the same intern who keeps running rm -rf / "just to see what happens."

Rejecting frontend work? Reasonable. Avoiding backend tasks? Understandable. But the weekend? That's the sacred runtime environment where all my personal processes finally execute without interruption. No standup meetings, no Jira tickets, just me and my neglected side projects that will definitely get finished this time. Definitely.

Senior developers watching junior devs frantically adopt every trending framework and coding style that comes along. They've seen enough JavaScript frameworks rise and fall to know that solid fundamentals outlast the hype. Meanwhile, the juniors are out there doing cartwheels over "revolutionary" approaches that will be abandoned in 8 months. The seniors just sit there, arms folded, thinking "I've written enough spaghetti code in my lifetime, thanks."

Choosing JavaScript over TypeScript is like pouring concrete without forms. Sure, it's faster at first—you just dump it wherever and call it a day. But three months later, when you're trying to figure out why undefined is not a function for the 47th time, you'll wish you had some structure. The clown lurking in the sewer drain represents your future self, waiting to remind you that dynamic typing seemed like a good idea... until it wasn't.