The Evolution Of JavaScript Promises

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Oh look, it's the ultimate programmer dilemma! Should you select ALL the squares because that code is absolutely crawling with bugs, or hit skip because technically none of them contain an actual insect? That obfuscated JavaScript nightmare with all those hex values and weird variable names is the kind of code that makes senior devs wake up in cold sweats. It's probably some minified production code that nobody dares to touch because "it works, don't ask how." The real joke is that after 15 years in this industry, I'd still stare at this captcha for a solid minute wondering if I should click all squares or none. Then I'd just refresh the page and hope for traffic lights instead.

Content Jack Forge TheJackForge Dec 3 Interviewer: Do you know JavaScript? Me: Yes, I get better every single day. Interviewer: Do you know CSS? Me: Yes, I get worse every single day. 47 17 203 ( 2.2K s ame

The real crime scene here is declaring a variable that can be both boolean AND null. This is the kind of code that keeps security professionals awake at night. Some developer thought "hey, why use proper authentication when I can create this beautiful three-state monstrosity?" Triple equals won't save you from the existential crisis this code will cause during code review. This is the programming equivalent of leaving your front door unlocked but also maybe removing it entirely.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute BETRAYAL of every developer's existence captured in one image! 😱 Your current project is literally a Jenga tower on the verge of collapse, held together by duct tape and prayers, and what does your wandering eye do? Falls hopelessly in love with that seductive new JavaScript runtime with its cute little face and promises of "better performance" and "revolutionary features." MEANWHILE, your actual responsibility is about to CRASH AND BURN spectacularly! We've all been there, abandoning our fragile code architecture to chase the next shiny framework that will supposedly solve all our problems. Spoiler alert: IT WON'T! But will that stop us from doing it again next week? ABSOLUTELY NOT! 💅

Nothing screams "I'm a modern developer" quite like spending 8 hours implementing a Spotify API integration to show your current jam, but completely forgetting to include links to your actual code. Because clearly what hiring managers really care about is that you listen to Imagine Dragons while coding, not your ability to, you know, build things that work . The dark mode toggle is just the cherry on top of this portfolio sundae of misplaced priorities. The irony is that Tom and Spike are rushing toward something important while Jerry (the actual talent) trails behind - just like how those GitHub links and demo URLs are trailing behind your CSS animations and fancy scroll effects.