FTP Goes Brrrr

Just like that Polish town where 6,000 people share a single street address, single-table databases cram everything into one horrific data structure. No relationships, no normalization—just a massive Excel spreadsheet masquerading as a database. The database equivalent of putting your entire life in one drawer and then wondering why you can't find your tax documents. Bonus points if you've added a JSON column to store "flexible" data, you monster.

When your security audit consists of pressing "OK" and moving on. Somewhere, a security engineer just felt a disturbance in the force. The perfect mix of horrifying vulnerability and casual acknowledgment - just click "OK" and pretend you didn't see that any user could inject JavaScript and rewrite an entire website for years. Security through obscurity at its finest.

The internet: a towering Jenga stack of technologies where one sneeze could bring down half the web. At the bottom, you've got Linux doing the heavy lifting while DNS pretends it's not held together with duct tape and prayers. AWS and Cloudflare are just there collecting rent on the whole operation. The real MVPs? Those unpaid open-source developers who fix critical bugs at 2AM because someone complained on GitHub. Meanwhile, V8 and WASM are up there making "things happen in the web" while Microsoft flies around like an Angry Bird, doing whatever Microsoft feels like today. And AI? Just a tiny appendage bolted on that everyone pretends is driving the whole machine. The perfect representation of what happens when you build civilization on a foundation of "it compiled, ship it."

The expectation vs. reality of frontend development is perfectly captured in this Squid Game cookie comparison. You start thinking it's just drawing a simple triangle—clean lines, minimal effort. Then reality hits and suddenly you're meticulously carving a fractal nightmare of nested triangles where one wrong move breaks everything. Just like when your CSS looks perfect until someone opens it on a different browser and your beautiful design transforms into an eldritch horror. The only difference is that in Squid Game you die quickly; with frontend, you suffer for eternity trying to center a div.

The modern tech stack visualized as the world's most precarious Jenga tower! At the very bottom, we have "ELECTRICITY" holding up literally everything - because let's face it, without it we're all just cavemen with MacBooks. The foundation includes Linus Torvalds, IBM, TSMC, and "K&R" (Kernighan and Ritchie, the C language creators) - you know, just the people who INVENTED MODERN COMPUTING, no big deal. Above them, C developers writing dynamic arrays because apparently we still haven't solved that problem after 50 years. Then we've got AWS, libcURL, and the Linux Foundation supporting everything while "unpaid open-source developers" hold up critical infrastructure. Meanwhile, Rust devs are off in their own rocket doing "their thing" while that one C++ project based on "undefined behavior" somehow keeps things running. The middle is pure chaos - web devs "sabotaging themselves" with an ever-growing tower of frameworks, a random Angry Bird labeled "whatever Microsoft is doing," and the cherry on top? A literal cloud labeled "lore accurate cloud server." And somehow this Frankenstein's monster powers everything from nuclear plants to "cookies for fish." The future is now, and it's terrifying!

Developers: "I hate PHP! Get that thing out of my face!" Also developers: *aggressively consumes Laravel, a PHP framework* Five minutes later: *quietly making money with the very thing they claimed to despise* The circle of developer life: loudly hating technologies while secretly using them to pay the bills. The dollar signs don't lie.