Being Your Own Boss Be Like

Content foo.bar Why? foosabar() Why? fooosbar( Why? Oh, that's why.

Content LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE THAT I INFORM YOU I HAVE FINALLY CONTRIBUTED SOME MEANINGFUL CODE TO THE COMPANY I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS

Content Corey Quinn QuinnyPig 17m You, an idiot: "Billionaires shouldn't exist; you can't SPEND a billion dollars in a lifetime!" Me, an AWS customer: Compute Compute Compute Compute 3-year 3-year 3-year 3-year All Upfront All Upfront AlL Upfront All Upfront Now 5,000.00000hour 131,400,000.00 Now 5,000.00000hour 131,400,000.00 0.00 0.00 NOW Now 5,000.00000hour 5,000.00000hour 131,400,000.00 131,400,000.00 0.00 0.00 Summary Total commitment Total commitment starting now Total queued commitment 1.051.200.000.00 1.051.200.000.00 0.00 Total upfront payment due now ALT may apply. 1,051,200,000.00 Add another Savings Plan Submit order 7 17 17 107 ProdrammerHumor.io

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PH spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set ("display errors", true); print '?xmi version"1.o" encoding"UTFg" 7'

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these job listings! 💀 What started as a joke is now the HORRIFYING REALITY of tech recruiting. They're not looking for a "full stack developer" - they're demanding a supernatural being who can single-handedly replace an ENTIRE IT DEPARTMENT while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: barely above minimum wage). Next they'll require you to build a time machine so you can work 48 hours in a 24-hour day! And don't forget the "5+ years experience" in technologies that have existed for 2 years! The modern tech job market is basically just corporate execs screaming "DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!" while throwing peanuts at desperate developers.

Content Looking to hire a Jr Data Scientist: - 15 years Python - 30 years SQL - 20 vears AWS -15 years Spark -15 years Terraform - Core contributor to assembly code base - Team plaver - Should have some sort of martial arts experience, whether Ninja, Jujitsu, or Karate. All 3 is preferred. - Knows SQL, NoSQL, NewSQL and all future flavors of SOL - Proiect Management experience - Strong experience with Keras, TensorFlow, Sklearn, XGBoost and preferably has written their own ML library from scratch. - Should have published at least 2 top level academic papers preferably focused around a Convolutional Recurrent Back-propagating Neural Network - Open source contributor at least 5 projects. - Experience leading teams of 10,000 people or more - Managed CICD pipeline for an application with at least 2 billion daily users -Should have at least 1 PhD, 5 is preferred. Yes, we have ping pong tables and an open floor plan and lots of salty snacks in the breakroom. Organic Kombucha on tap. The interviews will consist of a 5 day process of whiteboarding algorithms from scratch followed by writing your own compiler and a coding exam will be taken at random from the 20 most popular programming languages.