Password Reset Purgatory

Look at all these fancy apps you're allowed to install, and the IT admin's like "But for coding? Notepad++ is all you need, buddy!" That's like giving a chef a plastic knife and saying "What? It cuts, doesn't it?" Meanwhile, developers at other companies are using the coding equivalent of a fully-equipped kitchen with robot assistants. Nothing says "we value your productivity" quite like forcing you to code without syntax highlighting, auto-completion, or debugging tools. But hey, at least you've got Chrome to Google "how to quit job without burning bridges."

Regular users jog casually. Admins sprint in business suits. But sudo users? They transform into samurai warlords with unlimited power. Nothing says "I know exactly what I'm doing and will absolutely not destroy this production server" like typing those four magical letters. The computer just sits there, nervously obeying your every command like a frightened intern.

The ultimate security through obscurity! Someone installed Windows on what appears to be a giant architectural display screen. That tiny Windows logo boot screen is like hanging a "HACK ME" sign on Fort Knox. Running outdated OS on building-sized hardware is next-level commitment to legacy systems. The IT department must've missed the memo about end-of-life support... by about a decade. Somewhere, a sysadmin is frantically trying to explain why their building BSOD'd during a client presentation.

A physical password logbook? In 2023? Might as well put your house keys under the doormat and call it "advanced security." This floral notebook is basically a burglar's dream journal - all your digital keys neatly organized in one convenient, stealable package. The security equivalent of storing nuclear launch codes on a Post-it note stuck to your monitor. Meanwhile, every security engineer who sees this just died a little inside. Seven years of implementing zero-trust architecture and someone's grandma is keeping her banking password next to her Pinterest login in a cute little book from Target.

Behold the magnificent journey of a "non-technical" founder going from AI-generated hubris to digital humility in just 48 hours! First tweet: "Look at my amazing no-code SaaS built with AI! Stop complaining and start building! P.S. People actually pay for this!" Two days later: "Help! I'm being attacked! My API keys are maxed out, people are bypassing subscriptions, and my database is a dumpster fire! BTW, I'm not technical so... oops?" The classic tale of finding out that building secure software requires more than just dragging and dropping with Cursor. Turns out "zero hand-written code" also means "zero security considerations." Who could have possibly predicted that?

Ah, the classic "change your Git config and push a bug to production" move. It's like framing your coworker for murder, but in code form. This junior dev just performed the digital equivalent of identity theft by changing their Git config to match their senior's name and email, then pushed broken code straight to prod. Now when the blame command runs, it points to the innocent senior dev who's about to have a very confusing conversation with management. Pure corporate sabotage disguised as a rookie mistake. Diabolical.