Password Reset Purgatory

Someone's job security strategy is absolutely chef's kiss . Instead of writing clean, maintainable code, they've created a function that always returns 2, labeled it as "job security," and then made two helper functions that literally copy memory addresses to change the return value. Nothing says "I'll never be fired" like writing code that only you understand and using memcpy() to overwrite function implementations instead of, you know, just changing the original function. Because why write one line of code when you can write twenty that require a hazmat suit to maintain? Bonus points for the "NEVER call this function" comments that scream "I'm the only one who knows which landmines not to step on." Pure evil genius at work here.

Ah, the JavaScript ecosystem's most dedicated users - people who literally type "npm install malware" and hit enter. The package has 12 weekly downloads, was last updated 9 years ago, and somehow still claims 12 victims weekly. The best part? It's ISC licensed, so you're legally permitted to destroy your own system! How thoughtful! I'm torn between admiring these developers' curiosity and questioning their survival instincts. It's like watching someone lick a frozen pole "just to see what happens" - except with their production servers.

Spending millions on security infrastructure only to have your credentials set to "admin/admin" is like installing a bank vault door on a cardboard box. The CISO's horrified face says it all - watching that fancy security castle crumble because someone couldn't be bothered to use a password manager. It's the corporate equivalent of installing a state-of-the-art home security system but leaving your spare key under the doormat with a neon sign pointing to it.

Rust evangelists: *screeching intensifies* when they discover 19.11% of Rust libraries use the unsafe keyword, while C++ sits smugly at the dinner table knowing it doesn't need to mark anything as unsafe because everything is potentially unsafe by default. It's like bragging about having 19.11% of your codebase labeled "might explode" while C++ just assumes you're smart enough to know the whole thing is a minefield. Memory safety theater at its finest!

That moment when your password requirements get so ridiculous you start screaming at your monitor. "8+ characters, uppercase, lowercase, number, special character, AND NOW AN EMOJI?!" Meanwhile your brain is just like "🙂🔫123AAAA!" because you've run out of creative password ideas. Next they'll want your blood type and a lock of hair from your firstborn.

Nothing says "I'm a real software engineer" quite like random people asking you to hack Instagram accounts. The true initiation ritual isn't getting your degree or landing that first job—it's when your aunt's neighbor's cousin's dog walker thinks you're basically Anonymous because you can fix the Wi-Fi. Welcome to the club. Your complimentary caffeine addiction and existential dread are in the mail.