Can't Have Data In Detroit

That moment of pure existential horror when you spot the intern casually connecting to your production database through some sketchy website you've never seen before. The same database that powers your entire company. The same database that took you three all-nighters to optimize last month. And they're just... clicking around. Exploring. Writing queries . Without a WHERE clause in sight. Your soul leaves your body as you realize they have admin privileges somehow. You're not even mad—you're just impressed at how quickly they've found a way to bypass all seven layers of security you implemented.

THE AUDACITY OF OUR ANCESTORS! 8000 years in the future and we're STILL cleaning up their 4-digit year mess?! 💀 First it was Y2K, now it's Y10K, because apparently storing years as "9999" seemed like SUCH a brilliant idea. The entire galaxy is running on legacy code written by caffeine-addicted devs who couldn't imagine humanity surviving this long! Now we've got to update TRILLIONS of systems while aliens are probably laughing at us. "Most advanced species in the universe" my keyboard! History's greatest tragedy isn't war or famine—it's inadequate date formatting!

The duality of AI code reviews. Non-technical folks see a magical solution that writes perfect code while senior devs spot the nested callbacks, security vulnerabilities, and performance nightmares lurking beneath the surface. It's like watching someone admire a beautifully painted house without noticing it's built on quicksand. The hallucinated documentation is just the cherry on top of this algorithmic disaster cake.

The eternal struggle of gaming platform authentication! Steam's session tokens are like diamonds - they last forever. You can abandon your PC for months, come back, and Steam's like "welcome back old friend!" Meanwhile, Epic Games Launcher treats your login credentials like they're written in disappearing ink. Two days away? "I've never met this man in my life." Their token expiration must be set to approximately 37 minutes. It's the digital equivalent of your grandmother forgetting who you are despite seeing you last weekend. The security engineer who configured Epic's token timeout was clearly traumatized by a session hijacking in a previous life. Or maybe they just really enjoy watching users type their passwords over and over and over again...

Someone's trying to trick ChatGPT into running the digital equivalent of a nuclear bomb. That sudo rm -rf /* --no-preserve-root command? It's basically asking to delete EVERYTHING on a Linux system. Like, "Hey computer, please commit suicide real quick." The genius part is wrapping it in a sob story about grandma's dying wish. Nice try, Satan! ChatGPT's "Internal Server Error" is basically it having an existential crisis while trying to figure out how to politely decline nuking someone's computer. Somewhere, a sysadmin just felt a disturbance in the force and doesn't know why.

Remember when search engines actually searched instead of showing you 47 ads, 12 shopping suggestions, and 3 AI-generated blog posts before your actual results? The irony of "technological improvements" is that they've optimized for everything except what users want. Modern search algorithms have reached peak efficiency—at selling you stuff you didn't ask for. It's like asking your GPS for directions and getting a 2-minute unskippable lecture about nearby restaurants before it tells you to turn right. The "Don't Be Evil" mantra aged about as well as Internet Explorer 6 running on Windows ME.