Biggest Plottwist Ever

Alternate Jurassic Park ending: Dennis Nedry realizes he's the only IT guy maintaining a critical system with actual dinosaurs and demands fair compensation. Hammond reluctantly agrees instead of lowballing him. Movie ends peacefully, no one gets eaten, and the park probably has working door locks. The real horror was the salary negotiation all along.

Ah, the classic "did you type your password too quickly? DENIED!" scenario. Twenty years in this industry and websites are still pulling this garbage. Some frontend dev thought they were clever by checking how fast you type your password, as if speed equals automation. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to log in before our coffee gets cold. The best part? The site doesn't even check if the password is correct - just that you didn't type it "suspiciously fast." Brilliant security theater from the same people who probably store your password as plaintext in a CSV file somewhere.

Oh sweet summer child... whispering about raw SQL without parameterization is like admitting you leave your front door wide open in a neighborhood of SQL injection attacks! The first panel seems seductive until the horrified reaction in the second panel hits. Every database admin just felt a cold shiver down their spine. It's basically saying "I enjoy living dangerously by concatenating user input directly into my queries" which is the digital equivalent of juggling chainsaws while blindfolded. Bobby Tables sends his regards!

That moment when your password field uses a barcode font instead of asterisks. Security through obscurity at its finest! Sure, nobody can see your password... except anyone who's ever scanned a grocery item. Bonus points if your password is actually just "password" in barcode form - the digital equivalent of hiding your house key under the welcome mat and telling everyone where it is.

OMG, the AUDACITY of people romanticizing Clippy in 2023! 💅 That paperclip assistant from Microsoft Office was literally THE ORIGINAL PRIVACY INVADER before it was cool! While we're all losing our minds about apps tracking our every move, Clippy was just sitting there, innocently bouncing around our Word documents, NOT asking for our age, NOT canceling our perpetual licenses, and NOT demanding our location. THE HORROR! A digital assistant that just... helped?! Without stealing our data?! What a concept! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*

The ultimate tech billionaire self-own! Elon confidently declares the Social Security database isn't de-duplicated, suggesting massive fraud... only to get absolutely demolished when someone points out he clearly has no idea how government databases work. The cherry on top? The "readers added context" feature on his own platform confirming that yes, the government does indeed use SQL. Nothing quite like spending $44 billion on a platform just so everyone can watch you get publicly schooled on basic database concepts. This is what happens when you skip Database 101 but still think you're qualified to critique government systems. Maybe next time Google "what is MySQL" before tweeting?