He Paid 44 Billion To Get Dunked On

Content a lily-peet You can tell a lot about a person based on the wear on their keyboard. If the spacebar has a smooth circle in the center, they're a writer. If the WASD keys are worn out, they're a PC gamer. If the Z key has been burrowed through the keyboard to form a hole through the desk, they're an artist. wirehead-wannabe If the keyboard is on the floor in a million tiny pieces, the user is a programmer Source: lily-peet 2.160 notes

Content Tell me the truth.I'm... 'm ready to hear it. YOU SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS PROJECT IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE imaflip.com

Content Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble" "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half- caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht l'm keeping those

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Ah yes, the Y10K problem - the sequel nobody asked for! Future devs will be sobbing in their space pods because some genius in 2023 thought "four digits ought to be enough for anybody." Imagine having to refactor billions of lines of legacy code across the galaxy because nobody considered humans might still be writing terrible code 8,000 years from now. The exhausted expression says it all - "I could've been a space poet, but instead I'm patching date formats on Martian ATMs." History repeats itself, just with more digits.

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