Ultimate Dirty Talk (For Database Nightmares)

Nothing humbles a CS graduate with 6 years of experience and a GitHub full of microservices quite like watching Brenda from Accounting unleash her Excel VBA sorcery. While you're debating which framework to use, she's built an entire ERP system with macros and formulas that somehow never breaks. Her Excel sheets communicate better than your team's Slack channel. The funniest part? She learned it all from a weekend workshop in 2003 and calls it "just a little spreadsheet trick."

Content The schema migration script took down production! Who did this? Boss It caused a deadlock We should've tested it Passwords exposed? No time for staging. It was urgent. 0 00 Dev DBA Security

Content Zein Makki ZeinSMakki Replying to codinghorror A programmer's wife sends him to the store and says "get some bread, and while you're there pick up some eggs" The programmer never returns. 1:19 PM 01 Jun 19 Twitter for Android

Content Cole (hehim) semispeaking A very annoying brain feature I have is what I call Waiting Mode. Like today, I have to leave for an MRI at 2:45. Unfortunately at 12:30 or so, my brain decided to activate Waiting Mode, which means that instead of getting anything done, I just have to sit here and wait.

Content Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict and an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tel: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Cog: What if everything was a typeproposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C: What if we added everything to the language? C11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Peri6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if game developers got tired of C? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god? nixcraft

Content Me every time I need to use a regex so I copy it from a conveniently specific StackOverflow post like your funny words magic man