He Never Asked For My Data

When a React developer proudly announces they built Windows 11's start menu and someone simply asks "why," you know you're witnessing peak software development philosophy. The cherry on top is the performance question being dismissed with "I try not to let such considerations get in the way of doing great work." Translation: "Who cares if it takes 8GB of RAM to show a menu? I used my favorite framework!" And that, friends, is why your PC freezes for 3 seconds when you click the Windows button. But hey, at least some React dev got to pad their resume!

The eternal struggle of the modern tech user, summed up in one Hank Hill meltdown. That primal rage when Microsoft tries to force your precious files into their cloud prison instead of letting them live peacefully in your Documents folder. Nothing says "I've lost control of my digital life" quite like having to specify that you want to save something on the actual computer you paid for. Next they'll want us to ask permission to use our own keyboards. Trust issues with cloud storage? Completely rational. Why trust your files to some mysterious server farm when you can trust the hard drive that's definitely not going to fail right when you need those files most.

Content Software engineers from big tech firms like Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and Meta are paying at least 75,000 to get 3 inches taller, a leg-lengthening surgeon says

Content Imperative stoneager Uses sed, awk, grep... on a daily TASTES 3 character long variable names "00P is literally Hitler" Never bashes rychon or Javascript. proudly uses them to make elitists Wrote 95 of all programs that power the modern world Doesn't care what OS or editor hee MIs main machine nappens to be a 2013 MacbOOk Air he got as a git Writes his own software runctiona elitist Watches Computerphile, thinks it's accuac programming "Monad g000" "Lazy evaluation good" "Loop bad" "Mutate bad" "Imperative not elegant" writes code on paper to avoid side effects Responsible or 0 lines or code in produccion Uses Emacs with a light theme on an oLd Debian machine Uses software written by imperative stoneager 00P boilerplater -obsessed newager His job consists of writing the same boilerplate code every single day and he LOVES it "Rust will replace C and C" Always includes a safety section in his documentation Watches Bob Martin, thinks the quy is a genius "Here is this awesome PR, bro, it replaces vour unsate code with my slow and verbose but safe code" His variable names consist of at easts whole words "Oh, I need an object for this piece of data, let me make a class No support for macOS, but writes an entire page of documentation on how to hack an installation on windows real ack to anticinate all the Best he's ever accomplished is possible scenarios mav or mav not writing a colored version or cat encounter in the far future" and Ls Responsible for 95 of all lines of . Uses Neovin with Grusboy color code in the world scheme on Arch Linux Uses JetBrains IDES on windows Uses bloated proprietary software Mechanical keyboard, 34-inch monitor no zoom when he screencasts, if you can't see too had

OH. MY. GOD. The EMOTIONAL DAMAGE of C++ development laid bare! 💅 On Linux? It's all sunshine, rainbows, and "teehee, I compiled successfully on the first try!" Pure unbridled JOY. The compiler practically THROWS CONFETTI when your code works! Meanwhile, Windows C++ developers are basically living in a film noir NIGHTMARE. They've seen things. TERRIBLE things. Like 500 linker errors before breakfast. Their souls have been crushed by Visual Studio's cryptic error messages that might as well be written in ancient Sumerian. The contrast is so DRAMATIC I'm getting heart palpitations! The duality of developer existence has never been so savagely portrayed!

Finally, a political decision Linux users can get behind! The headline "Taliban bans windows" is playing on the double meaning of "windows" - the physical openings in buildings versus Microsoft Windows operating system. Linux fanatics have been waging their own holy war against Windows for decades, so this headline hits that sweet spot of tech tribalism. Next headline: "Taliban mandates command line interfaces only" and watch the Arch users celebrate.