Googled And Tried: A Developer's Origin Story

Content Type a simple command into the console Press up key dozens of times until you find it

The digital equivalent of sticking a fork in an electrical socket while standing in a puddle. Deploying to production on Friday is that special brand of self-sabotage only developers understand. Sure, you could wait until Monday when you're fresh and have a whole week to fix the inevitable dumpster fire. But where's the adrenaline rush in that? Nothing says "I hate future me" quite like pushing code right before the weekend and then acting surprised when your phone explodes with alerts while you're trying to enjoy your beer. It's basically the tech version of "hold my beer and watch this" – except the beer is your weekend and what we're watching is your mental stability crumble in real-time.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of non-technical people assuming Java and JavaScript are related! 💅 Honey, that's like saying a car and carpet are the same because they both start with "car"! The mental gymnastics required to explain for the 5,000th time that knowing one doesn't magically grant you knowledge of the other is EXHAUSTING! They're completely different languages with different purposes - Java's all "compile once, run anywhere" while JavaScript's like "let's make this button do a little dance when you hover over it, teehee!" And yet here we are, STILL having this conversation in 2023! The trauma! The drama! I literally can't even!

Content When employers want 10 years experience before you turn 20 Jane Abrahams

Content What we say What we mean Horrible hack Horrible hack that I didn't write Temporary workaround Horrible hack that I wrote It's broken There are bugs in your code It has a few issues There are bugs in my code Obscure Someone else's code doesn't have comments Self-documenting My code doesn't have comments That's why it's an awesome language It's my favorite language and it's really easy to do something in it. You're thinking in the wrong mindset It's my favorite language and it's really hard to do something in it. I can read this Perl script I wrote this Perl script I can't read this Perl script I didn't write this Perl script Bad structure Someone else's code is badly organized Complex structure My code is badly organized Bug The absence of a feature I like Out of scope The absence of a feature I don't like Clean solution it works and lunderstand it We need to rewrite it it works but I don't understand it emacs is better than vi It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war vi is better than emacs It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war IMHO You are wrong Legacy code It works, but no one knows how XCquit ESCIESCJC I don't know how to quit vi

Content I'll remember what this code does after all, I wrote it myself and it's unlikely anyone else will work on it I don't need to leave comments.