Legacy-systems Memes

When a video encoding tool claims they're rewriting Social Security in assembly, you know it's April 1st. FFmpeg joining forces with Dogecoin to optimize government infrastructure is like saying "we're fixing healthcare with blockchain" – technically impressive, completely absurd, and would probably still run better than the current system. Just imagine the command line arguments needed to calculate your retirement benefits. Somewhere a COBOL programmer is nervously laughing while backing up their job security.

The desperate plight of the modern developer captured in SpongeBob meme format! Mr. Krabs stands before a tombstone marked "#1 COBOL", contemplating whether to disturb the resting place of this ancient programming language for financial gain... before immediately diving in headfirst. COBOL (Common Business-Oriented Language) was created in 1959 and powers approximately 70% of banking transaction systems and 95% of ATM swipes. Despite being declared "dead" countless times, COBOL developers can earn $100k+ salaries simply because nobody wants to learn it anymore. The skills shortage is so severe that during the pandemic, several states desperately called retired COBOL programmers back to work. The grave-digging metaphor is painfully accurate - learning COBOL feels like exhuming digital archaeology, but the financial rewards make even the most principled developers reconsider their stance!

The technical pedant has entered the chat! Nothing screams "I'm fun at parties" like correcting people about character encoding standards at an ASCII art gathering. That person standing in the corner made of slashes and asterisks is silently judging everyone who casually calls it "ASCII art" when it should be "ISO-8859 art" — because obviously that's what keeps them up at night. It's the digital equivalent of being the guy who corrects people saying "Frankenstein" when they mean "Frankenstein's monster." Congratulations on being technically correct — the most insufferable kind of correct!