Perfect website does not exi…

[text] motherfuckingwebsite.com . A This is a motherfucking AL LD And its fucking perfect. Seriously what the fuck else do you want You probably build websites and think your shit is special. You think your 13 megabyte parallaxative home page is going to get you some fucking Awwward banner you can glue to the top corner of your site. You think your 40pound jQuery file and 83 polyfills give IE7 a boner because it finally has boxshadow. Wrong motherfucker. Let me describe your perfectass website Shits lightweight and loads fast Fits on all your shitty screens Looks the same in all your shitty browsers The motherfuckers accessible to every asshole that visits your site Shits legible and gets your fucking point across if you had one instead of just 5mb pics of hipsters drinking coffee Well guess what motherfucker You. Are. Overdesigning. Look at this shit. Its a motherfucking website. Why the fuck do you need to animate a fucking trendyass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit You spent hours on it and added 80 kilobytes to your fucking site and some motherfucker jabbing at it on their iPad with fat sausage fingers will never see that shit. Not to mention blind people will never see that shit but they dont see any of your shitty shit. You never knew it but this is your perfect website. Heres why. Its fucking lightweight This entire page weighs less than the gradient meshed facebook logo on your fucking WordPress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of jQuery Ul just so you could animate the fucking background color of a div You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a shitty webfont just so you could say Hi. at 100px height at the beginning of your site You piece of shit. Its responsive You dumbass. You thought you needed media queries to be responsive but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever motherfucking screensize its viewed on. This site doesnt care if youre on an iMac or a motherfucking Tamagotchi. It fucking works Look at this shit. You can read it … that is if you can read motherfucker. It makes sense. It has motherfucking hierarchy. Its using HTML5 tags so you and your bitchass browser know what the fucks in this fucking site. Thats semantics motherfucker. It has content on the fucking screen. Your site has three bylines and link to your dribbble account but you spread it over 7 full screens and make me click some bobbing button to show me how cool the jQuery ScrollTo plugin I Crossbrowser compatibility Load this motherfucker in IE6. I fucking dare you. This is a website. Look at it. Youve never seen one before. Like the man whos never grown out his beard has no idea what his true natural state is you have no fucking idea what a website is. All you have ever seen are shitty skeuomorphic bastardizations of what should be text communicating a fucking message. This is a real naked website. Look at it. Its fucking JoIED i Yes this is fucking satire you fuck Im not actually saying your shitty site should look like this. What Im saying is that all the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites arent broken by default they are functional highperforming and accessible. You break them. You sonofa bitch. Good design is as little design as possible. some German motherfucker 1010 From the philosophies expressed poorly above txti was created. You should try it today to make your own motherfucking websites.