query Memes

Cache All Things
Databases Webdev Programming Backend
17 days ago 64.9K views 0 shares
Cache All Things
Database sitting there like it's filling out TPS reports while Cache is handling a full press conference. Typical. The database is doing all the actual work storing your precious data, but Cache gets all the attention because it's faster at answering the same stupid questions over and over. Just like management - they'll ignore the reliable workhorse and praise the flashy middleman who just repeats what everyone already knows.

SQL Dev's Existential Crisis With MongoDB Syntax
Databases Javascript Programming Backend
1 month ago 126.8K views 0 shares
SQL Dev's Existential Crisis With MongoDB Syntax
SQL developer: "I'll just ask for users between 25-30 years old. Simple query, right?" MongoDB: "Hold my document-oriented beer while I throw this nested JSON monstrosity at you with operators like $and, $gte, and $lte that look like someone's trying to launder money through code." The mental journey from SELECT * FROM users WHERE age BETWEEN 25 AND 30 to whatever that bracket nightmare is... pure existential crisis material. The facial expressions say it all - from innocent curiosity to complete spiritual awakening.

The Blind Query Optimization
Databases Javascript Programming Frontend Backend
1 month ago 103.4K views 0 shares
The Blind Query Optimization
Ah, the classic developer paradox. Why spend 10 minutes crafting the perfect SQL query when you can waste 3 hours writing convoluted JavaScript filters instead? It's like bringing a telescope to find your glasses when they're sitting on your head. The irony is palpable - we'll analyze 500MB of data client-side before considering that maybe, just maybe, the database was literally designed for this exact purpose. But no, let's pull the entire table and filter it with 17 nested for-loops because we're efficient . Next week: "Why is our app so slow?" 🤔

Limit Prod DB Access
Databases Devops Programming Debugging Backend
2 months ago 100.5K views 0 shares
Limit Prod DB Access
That moment when you realize your WHERE clause went missing and you just rewrote half the company's customer data. The cold sweat. The panic. The desperate hope that someone's going to tap you on the shoulder and say "just kidding, there's a backup." But deep down, you know... your resume needs updating faster than those 12 million rows you just mangled.

The Facial Hair Guide To SQL Joins
Databases Programming Backend
2 months ago 99.7K views 0 shares
The Facial Hair Guide To SQL Joins
Database joins explained through facial hair is the education we never knew we needed. Left join keeps all records from the left table but only matching ones from the right—just like how our guy keeps his left-side beard but borrows facial hair only where the right face matches. Right join? Reverse that logic. Inner join is where both tables have matching records, so only the mustache survives. And full join keeps everything from both tables, resulting in that glorious full-beard situation. Who needs ER diagrams when you've got these magnificent faces teaching SQL? The database professor we deserved but never had.

The SQL Join Facial Recognition Guide
Databases Algorithms Programming Backend
2 months ago 110.8K views 0 shares
The SQL Join Facial Recognition Guide
Finally, a visual aid for SQL joins that won't disappear from your brain after 5 minutes! Forget those boring Venn diagrams—these facial expressions perfectly capture the existential dread of figuring out which JOIN to use at 2 AM when your query is returning 17 million duplicate rows. The subtle difference between that "I've lost all hope" look of INNER JOIN versus the "I've seen things" thousand-yard stare of FULL JOIN is just *chef's kiss*. Database administrators around the world are printing this out and taping it to their monitors as we speak.

The Guardian Angels Of Stack Overflow
StackOverflow Algorithms Programming Debugging Databases
2 months ago 116.6K views 0 shares
The Guardian Angels Of Stack Overflow
The divine intervention of Stack Overflow strikes again. You spend hours crafting the perfect search query for your data analytics problem, only to be saved by some random hero who asked the exact same question three years ago and got a perfect answer. That person isn't just a programmer—they're your guardian angel with admin privileges to the universe. The real data analysis is figuring out how they predicted your specific obscure error before you even started your career.

SQL And Chill
Databases Programming Backend
2 months ago 114.7K views 0 shares
SQL And Chill
Nothing says romance like pulling up a complex SQL query during intimate moments. Sure, some people light candles, but real database administrators show off their perfectly normalized tables and multi-JOIN statements. That query's got more relationships than a soap opera, with tables for customers, sales_orders, and products all interconnected in a beautiful dance of foreign keys. The perfect date night doesn't exi— oh wait, there it is: ORDER BY Employee_Id.

SQL Clause Is Coming To Town
Databases Programming Backend
2 months ago 92.7K views 0 shares
SQL Clause Is Coming To Town
Ah, Santa's gone full DBA this year! The perfect ugly Christmas sweater for that database admin who spends December filtering out the naughty list. Instead of checking it twice, Santa's running SELECT * FROM contacts WHERE behavior = 'nice' and sorting that table twice for good measure. The "SQL Clause is coming to town" pun is the kind of dad joke that makes junior devs roll their eyes while secretly wanting the sweater for themselves. Just pray Santa's database is properly indexed, or those good children might not get their presents until February.

Src Equalsj Query
Javascript Databases
4 months ago 39.0K views 0 shares
srcEqualsjQuery | jquery-memes, IT-memes, query-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content YOUR SITE TAKES OVER 30 SECONDS TO RENDER AVE BUT IT DOES RENDER

Wow
Javascript Typescript Java Linux Testing
4 months ago 261.6K views 0 shares
wow | developer-memes, javascript-memes, software-memes, tech-memes, java-memes, software developer-memes, front end-memes, testing-memes, test-memes, react-memes, loc-memes, requirements-memes, angular-memes, typescript-memes, unit test-memes, cli-memes, edge-memes, query-memes, public-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content Salary 550-650 Location Dublin City Centre, Dublin, Republic of Ireland Type Contract Start ASAP UI Software Architect 101154 Desired skills: React, Angular, UI, Front End, Java Hybrid (In Ireland), 1 day per week in office 12-month contract We are teaming up with a Dublin-based client who requires a Software Architect who specialises in UI to join their growing team. ' will be joining their team as a technical leader to help define the technical direction and strategy for the existing team. If you have deep technical knowledge of React this could be a great fit for you! Requirements: 6 years' experience as a Software Developer 53 years expertise with React and Angular Strong experience with JavaScript, TypeScript, Query Strong experience in Unit Testing with Jasmine etc

We Have All Been Here
Databases Backend
4 months ago 17.9K views 0 shares
weHaveAllBeenHere | sql-memes, query-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io
Content Me after doing a simple SQL query (180654 rows affected) (I'm absolutely cooked)