Updating My CV As We Speak

The ultimate manifestation of programmer desperation: slapping a crying cat meme on your car begging for code review approvals. When your pull requests have been sitting in limbo for so long that you've resorted to vehicular advertising. That sad little "just let me merge pls" hits different when you've been waiting three days for Chad from backend to stop "getting to it later." Next level: hiring skywriters to beg senior devs to approve your commits.

The sheer horror on that Klingon's face perfectly captures the existential dread of realizing you've made 500 commits with messages like "fix stuff," "it works now," and "please work this time." Meanwhile, the other alien is just casually smoking through it all, representing that one senior dev who's seen enough Git disasters to become completely numb. First-time Git users start with such optimism until they discover merge conflicts exist and suddenly they're contemplating a career change to something less traumatic... like bomb disposal.

The irony of Bjarne Stroustrup—you know, just the guy who created C++ —having only one green square on his GitHub contribution graph is chef's kiss material. Recruiters everywhere are frantically updating their "red flags" documentation. Meanwhile, the person who invented the language that powers half the world's critical infrastructure would probably get auto-rejected by the ATS systems he helped make possible. Next interview question: "So, Mr. Stroustrup, what would you say you actually do here?"

The duality of dev life on full display. Top: Linus Torvalds, who revolutionized computing with a simple standing desk, basic setup, and pure genius. Bottom: Your average YouTube "coding expert" with a NASA mission control center who can barely center a div. Proof that RGB lighting is inversely proportional to actual programming skills. The universe's most reliable metric: the more humble the setup, the more terrifying the code.

OMG, the EVOLUTION of code ownership in three acts of pure DRAMA! 🎭 Act I: Designers having an absolute MELTDOWN over similar ideas. One's all smug while the other is literally CRYING TEARS OF RAGE! The audacity! Act II: Programmers being utterly UNBOTHERED. "I stole your code" meets "It's not my code" with the emotional investment of discussing yesterday's weather. The NONCHALANCE is killing me! Act III: GitHub users achieving PEAK ENLIGHTENMENT. Not only is stealing acknowledged, it's THANKED FOR! This is the digital equivalent of someone breaking into your house and you offering them tea for reorganizing your furniture! Welcome to open source, where your precious code belongs to EVERYONE and nobody simultaneously. What's mine is yours and what's yours is... forked.

The ultimate solution to your version control woes! This developer just wrote the most efficient .gitignore file in history: * (literally just an asterisk). Why waste time specifying hundreds of file patterns when you can simply tell Git to ignore EVERYTHING? Then just manually add the few files you actually want to track. It's like burning down your house to avoid cleaning it. Pure chaotic genius that would make any senior developer simultaneously laugh and cry.