Contributions Memes

Posts tagged with Contributions

Pwease Mr Boss Hire Me
Git Webdev Programming
4 hours ago 59.2K views 0 shares
Pwease Mr Boss Hire Me
Nothing screams "I'm a dedicated developer" quite like a GitHub contribution graph that's basically a digital graveyard with exactly TWO green squares in the entire year. Someone really woke up on a random Tuesday in December, committed "fixed typo" twice, and called it a career portfolio. The desperate puppy-dog eyes paired with this contribution graph is the job hunting equivalent of showing up to a marathon having only walked to your mailbox twice in 12 months. But hey, those two commits were REALLY important, okay? That README.md wasn't going to fix itself! Recruiters asking for "active GitHub profiles" and you're out here presenting a contribution graph that looks like your New Year's gym resolution died in February. Twice.

We Can't Say Clanker Anymore
AI Git Programming Python
1 day ago 200.3K views 0 shares
We Can't Say Clanker Anymore
Someone got their GitHub issue closed with the most savage line in open-source history: "Judge the code, not the coder. Your prejudice is hurting matplotlib." The drama? A contributor got flagged as an AI agent based on their website, and the issue was closed. The maintainer responded with a blog post about "gatekeeping behavior" and dropped that absolute mic-drop of a quote. The title references Star Wars where "clanker" was the Clone troopers' slur for battle droids—basically calling someone a bot. Except here, the accused "clanker" is actually human and fighting for their right to contribute. The irony is chef's kiss: we've reached peak 2024 where you need to prove you're NOT an AI to participate in open source. Plot twist: the "first-contribution" label got removed, suggesting they were legit all along. Nothing says "welcoming community" quite like accusing your contributors of being OpenAI agents. 🤖

All Money Probably Went Into Nvidia GPUs
Databases AI Programming Backend Cloud
26 days ago 338.7K views 0 shares
All Money Probably Went Into Nvidia GPUs
Running Postgres at scale for 800 million users while conveniently forgetting to contribute back to the open-source project that's literally holding your entire infrastructure together? Classic move. PostgreSQL is one of those legendary open-source databases that powers half the internet—from Instagram to Spotify—yet somehow companies rake in billions while the maintainers survive on coffee and GitHub stars. The goose's awkward retreat is basically every tech company when you ask about their open-source contributions. They'll spend $50 million on GPU clusters for their "revolutionary AI chatbot" but can't spare $10k for the database that's been rock-solid since before some of their engineers were born. The PostgreSQL team literally enables trillion-dollar valuations and gets... what, a shoutout in the docs? Fun fact: PostgreSQL doesn't even have a corporate sponsor like MySQL (Oracle) or MongoDB. It's maintained by a volunteer community and the PostgreSQL Global Development Group. So yeah, maybe toss them a few bucks between your next GPU shipment.

Some Men Want To Watch The World Burn
Git Programming
2 months ago 246.6K views 3 shares
Some Men Want To Watch The World Burn
Behold the absolute CHAOS AGENT who commits exclusively on Fridays with 420 contributions, yet keeps every single repo private like some kind of code-hoarding dragon sitting on a treasure pile nobody can see. The green squares are SCREAMING for validation but this developer said "nah, I'll just let everyone think I'm unemployed." It's giving main character energy mixed with commitment issues. Why have a GitHub profile if you're gonna treat it like a secret diary? The audacity! The DRAMA!

So Who Is Sending Patches Now
C++ Programming Linux Debugging
3 months ago 399.2K views 1 shares
So Who Is Sending Patches Now
Random Twitter user: "Your codebase is a mess." FFmpeg (written in C and assembly): "Talk is cheap, send patches." The ultimate open-source mic drop. Nothing says "put up or shut up" quite like challenging critics to actually contribute to a notoriously complex codebase that even seasoned developers approach with caution. It's the programming equivalent of saying "I'd like to see you try" while sipping tea with your pinky out.

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Don't Touch My Garbage!
Git Devops Programming
3 months ago 309.2K views 0 shares
Don't Touch My Garbage!
Ah, the duality of open source maintainers. You generously dump your code on GitHub for the world to use, then transform into a territorial feline when someone dares to suggest changes. That angry cat surrounded by watermelons perfectly captures the "it's free but I'll still judge your pull request like you insulted my ancestry" energy. The progression from "here's my gift to humanity" to "your code is trash and so are you" happens faster than a poorly optimized for-loop.

The Bell Curve Of Developer Suffering
Git Devops Agile Programming
3 months ago 163.8K views 0 shares
The Bell Curve Of Developer Suffering
SWEET MOTHER OF COMMITS! The GitHub contribution graph doesn't lie, people! 😭 That poor soul in the middle with their calendar DRIPPING with green squares is literally drowning in code while sobbing uncontrollably. Meanwhile, the casual devs on either side with their pathetic three commits are living their best lives at 14% contribution?! The audacity! The bell curve of developer suffering is REAL - either you're barely coding and thriving, or you're the poor sucker at 95% killing yourself with endless PRs. There's no in-between in this industry! Your options are: touch grass or touch keyboard until your fingers bleed. Choose wisely!

Swiper No Malware Swiping
Security Devops Git Programming
4 months ago 416.6K views 0 shares
Swiper No Malware Swiping
The AUDACITY of open source projects having to explicitly tell contributors "Please do not add malware" is sending me to another dimension! 💀 Like, imagine submitting your PR and thinking "hmm, should I solve this bug OR secretly install a keylogger that steals everyone's credit card info?" The fact that this needs to be a written rule is both HILARIOUS and TERRIFYING. It's giving "Swiper no swiping" energy but for hackers trying to sneak in backdoors. The maintainers are basically Dora, desperately trying to stop the malicious foxes of the coding world!

Are Ya Contributin' Son?
Git Devops Programming
5 months ago 288.6K views 0 shares
Are Ya Contributin' Son?
Dad bursts in with his cowboy hat energy while junior's GitHub contributions page looks like a graveyard of red X's. Nothing says "I'm coding" like having absolutely nothing to show for it. The classic parent-developer relationship – they think we're building the next Facebook, but really we're just staring at Stack Overflow and hoping our failed PR doesn't get mentioned at the next standup. The commit history doesn't lie, kid.

When Someone Uses Your Repo
Git Devops Programming
5 months ago 312.1K views 0 shares
When Someone Uses Your Repo
You spend months crafting your code, push it to GitHub, and then... silence. Complete radio silence. Until that fateful day when someone creates an issue about something completely unrelated to your code's actual purpose. It's like inviting people to your house and the only feedback you get is "your doorbell is slightly off-center." Thanks for noticing the 2,000 lines of meticulously documented code though!

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Where's Waldo But With Backdoors
Security Git Programming Linux
8 months ago 298.8K views 0 shares
Where's Waldo But With Backdoors
The sweet innocent smile of contributing to open source vs. the ABSOLUTE HORROR when you realize intelligence agencies might be lurking in your pull requests! 😱 Your cute little "fixed a typo" commit? CONGRATS, you just helped the CIA, FSB, and Mossad improve their surveillance code! Free and Open Source Software becomes Free and Open Spying Software when the alphabet soup agencies decide your project looks like a PERFECT place to slip in some "extra features." Nothing says "community-driven development" like wondering if that random contributor from nowhere is actually a spy with a government paycheck! TRUST ISSUES ACTIVATED!

Updating My CV As We Speak
Git Webdev Programming
9 months ago 199.9K views 0 shares
Updating My CV As We Speak
Ah, the classic "one-line commit to fame" pipeline! Nothing says "senior developer material" like fixing a typo in the README and immediately updating your LinkedIn with "Core Contributor at Major FOSS Project." The best part? That single docs update probably took 3 hours of fighting with the project's arcane contribution guidelines, two rejected PRs, and a heated discussion about Oxford commas in the issue tracker. But hey, that GitHub green square is worth its weight in gold during job interviews!