Programming Memes and Humor · ProgrammerHumor.io

Actual Convo I Had With Epic Games Support

16 minutes ago 4.3K views 0 shares

Support agent really out here suggesting port forwarding for a single-player offline game. That's like telling someone to check their WiFi password when their monitor isn't plugged in. The logic gap is so wide you could fit an entire datacenter through it. But sure, let's forward ports to servers that... don't need to be contacted... because there's no internet. Classic tech support script reading at its finest. Have you tried turning your offline game online?

These Bug Reports Suck

Debugging Programming Linux Testing

41 minutes ago 9.7K views 0 shares

When your user reports that the app "glitches and summons a tornado" on their house, you know you're dealing with a special kind of bug report. The expected behavior? "The app crashes instead of summoning a tornado." Because apparently crashing is the reasonable alternative here. The actual behavior is even better: their insurance company dropped them. And the steps to reproduce? "I have no idea. It happens rarely, randomly, and with seemingly no common cause." Chef's kiss. That's the holy trinity of impossible-to-debug issues right there. But wait, there's more! They helpfully included a picture of the tornado. Because nothing says "professional bug report" like attaching evidence of property damage. At least they provided system info though—Ubuntu 25.04 with dual GPUs. Clearly the tornado is a GPU driver conflict. Username "TheBrokenRail" checks out. Can't reproduce, closing as "works on my machine." 🌪️

Print Hello World

Programming

3 hours ago 51.1K views 1 shares

Someone took the assignment a bit too literally. Instead of writing code to print "hello world" to the console, they just... printed it. On paper. With an actual printer. The most efficient solution is often the one that completely bypasses the problem. No compiler errors, no syntax issues, no dependency conflicts. Just pure, unfiltered malicious compliance. Your CS professor is probably having an aneurysm right now. Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

Do You Think Microsoft Understands Consent?

Microsoft Devops Windows

4 hours ago 67.7K views 0 shares

Do You Think Microsoft Understands Consent?

When 99.2% of over 10,000 developers collectively say "no" to Microsoft understanding consent, you know something's deeply wrong. And they're absolutely right. Microsoft has perfected the art of asking permission while simultaneously ignoring your answer. Disabled automatic updates? Cool, we'll just "remind" you every 3 days. Declined the new Edge browser? Here it is anyway, pinned to your taskbar. Said no to Windows 11? Let's show you that upgrade prompt 47 more times. The poll results speak volumes: only 0.8% believe Microsoft respects user choices, while the overwhelming majority knows they'll be "reminded" whether they like it or not. It's not consent if "no" just means "ask me again later." That's just nagging with extra steps. Fun fact: Microsoft's approach to user preferences is basically the digital equivalent of a toddler asking "why?" until you give up. Except the toddler is a trillion-dollar corporation with root access to your system.

Good Job You're Fired

Programming AI

4 hours ago 84.2K views 0 shares

Developer writes code that writes code to avoid writing code. Feeling accomplished, they deploy themselves upward in celebration. Physics kicks in approximately 0.3 seconds later. The sudden realization that automation includes automating yourself out of existence hits harder than the ground will. Congratulations, you've successfully optimized the company's biggest expense: your salary.

The Only Virus I Ever Had Was The One I Paid For

Windows Security Microsoft

4 hours ago 91.3K views 0 shares

The Only Virus I Ever Had Was The One I Paid For

Ah yes, the classic tech industry scam: convincing people that their computer needs a $99/year bodyguard when Windows Defender has been sitting there like a perfectly capable bouncer since 2009. McAfee and Norton are basically the digital equivalent of those mall kiosk guys trying to sell you overpriced phone cases—except they slow down your entire system while doing it. The real kicker? These "antivirus" programs hog more resources than actual malware, spam you with notifications, and are harder to uninstall than a Stage 5 Clinger. Meanwhile, Windows Defender quietly does its job without turning your PC into a slideshow. Common sense is still the best antivirus though: don't click on "FREE_IPHONE_WINNER.exe" and you're already ahead of 90% of users.

There Is Always Something....

Hardware Networking Gamedev Cloud

6 hours ago 124.5K views 0 shares

The eternal struggle of trying to get into gaming but the universe has other plans. First it's the GPU shortage that makes graphics cards cost more than a kidney on the black market. Finally snag one? Cool, now cloud gaming exists as an alternative! But wait—your ISP decided that buffering is a feature, not a bug. It's like a boss fight with three health bars, except you're fighting capitalism, infrastructure, and your own sanity. The tech industry really said "you can have nice things, but not all at once" and made it their business model. At least developers can relate—just when you fix one bug, two more spawn. Just when you master one framework, three new ones become "industry standard."

Cat Rating Env

AI Devops Ruby Vim Programming

6 hours ago 148.0K views 1 shares

Your code reviewer has arrived, and judging by that look, your environment variables are getting a solid 6/10. The cat's inspecting your .env file like a senior architect reviewing a junior's first pull request—silently judging every OpenAI API key you've got hardcoded in there. Nothing says "professional development setup" quite like having multiple OpenAI assistants for generating cards, translations, hints, and descriptions. Someone's building a card game with enough AI assistance to make the entire QA team obsolete. Props for the Rails + PostgreSQL + Redis stack though—at least the boring parts are solid. The little voodoo doll next to the "IN SYNC" sticker really ties the whole setup together. That's what you need when your API keys stop working in production.

Tried To Build A 'Mid-Range' PC Today

Hardware Gamedev

7 hours ago 126.8K views 0 shares

You open PCPartPicker with innocent intentions. "Just a mid-range build," you tell yourself. "Something reasonable." Then GPU prices hit you like a freight train, and suddenly your "budget" build costs more than a used car. The best part? The game just casually tells you "Sorry, you can't afford it" with an OK button—because there's no arguing with reality. No negotiation. No payment plan. Just brutal honesty wrapped in a retro game UI. Meanwhile, your current potato PC is probably laughing at your ambition while struggling to run Chrome with three tabs open.

Found This Old Gem In My Files

Hardware Gamedev

7 hours ago 133.1K views 0 shares

The classic bait-and-switch that every PC gamer has pulled at least once. She thinks he's being sweet and romantic, but nope—he just upgraded his priorities from 30fps console peasantry to glorious 144Hz master race territory. The girlfriend's blush thinking she's "something much better" only to watch him boot up Steam is peak comedic timing. Nothing says "I care about you" quite like ditching the PlayStation for better frame rates and mod support. Console? More like con-sole-d prize. The PC is where the real relationship commitment happens—RGB lighting, mechanical keyboards, and all.

Got Commitments

Git Webdev Programming

8 hours ago 149.4K views 0 shares

When your GitHub contribution graph goes from barren wasteland to a lush green forest overnight, and suddenly everyone's questioning your loyalty. Like, excuse me for having a productive Q4, Karen! That smug cat sitting at dinner knows EXACTLY what's up – watching you try to explain why your commit history suddenly exploded like you just discovered caffeine and deadlines. The drama! The betrayal! The audacity of actually being productive! Plot twist: it's probably just one massive refactor broken into 47 tiny commits to make it look impressive. We've all been there, living our best fake-it-till-you-make-it developer life.

Order Factory Factory Is Easy To Maintain

Java Programming Backend

9 hours ago 160.4K views 0 shares

Order Factory Factory Is Easy To Maintain

Java devs really looked at design patterns and said "you know what? Let's just keep adding layers until nobody knows what's going on anymore." Started with a simple order interface—totally reasonable. Then came the factory pattern because apparently we can't just instantiate objects like normal people. But wait, we need a factory to create our factories! And naturally, the factory interface needs its own factory. Before you know it, you're 17 layers deep in abstraction, your class names are longer than your actual code, and you're trying to convince yourself that AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean is "clean" and "maintainable." The clown makeup getting progressively more ridiculous perfectly captures the mental gymnastics required to justify this level of over-engineering. Enterprise Java in a nutshell: where adding three interfaces and two factories to create a single object is considered best practice.

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