You Know How First Semester CS Students Are

Ah, the elegant art of naming variables. This function has achieved peak redundancy with a UUID parameter named uuid of type UUID that returns a UUID containing a UUID with the value uuid. It's like saying "I'd like to order an order of ordered orders, please." The compiler is probably in therapy now.

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While everyone's out here having a full-blown brawl over React vs Vue, microservices vs monoliths, and whether tabs or spaces will end civilization, there's some guy peacefully eating his lunch while maintaining a COBOL system that's been running since before the internet had opinions. The real kicker? That COBOL dev is probably making bank because there are like 12 people left on Earth who know how to maintain those ancient mainframes that still process 95% of ATM transactions and credit card swaps. Banks literally can't afford to let these systems die, so they're stuck paying premium rates for developers who learned programming when punch cards were still a thing. Meanwhile, the "modern stack" crowd is too busy fighting about which JavaScript framework will be obsolete next Tuesday to notice they're reinventing the wheel for the 47th time this year. Job security? That COBOL dev has it in spades while the rest of us are one npm audit away from an existential crisis.

Oh honey, they said "coding is like a piano, you just need to learn how to use it" and CONVENIENTLY forgot to mention the part where the piano is ON FIRE, the sheet music is written in hieroglyphics, and someone keeps changing the laws of physics every time you press a key! 🔥 Sure, learning to code is "just like" learning an instrument—if that instrument occasionally EXPLODES when you hit the wrong note and the only instruction manual was written by someone who clearly hates you personally!

Content Working on my side project "This is probably gonna take 30-40 minutes" 11 hours later: