The PHP Job Posting Thunderstorm

Content Async OxAsync Never seen a more retarded programming language in my life. This returns 15 ? php echo "5 days" "10 more days" ? ProdrammerHumor 15

The food chain of programming languages in one perfect image. HTML swimming around thinking it's a big predator like Python, Java, JavaScript, and PHP, when really it's just a school of tiny fish pretending to be a shark. Classic Dunning-Kruger effect in code form – the markup language with the least actual programming capability somehow convinced itself it belongs with the apex predators. Sure buddy, you keep "developing" those static pages while the real languages handle the heavy lifting.

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set("display errors" true); print('?yml version"1.0" encodina" TF.8" ?' "n"):?

Content The Future Programmer Rajito TheProgrammerMe 1995: PHP is dead, learn ColdFusion 2002: PHP is dead, learn ASP net 2003: PHP is dead, learn Django 2004: PHP is dead, learn Ruby on Rails 2010: PHP is dead, learn Flask 2011: PHP is dead, learn AngularJS 2016: PHP is dead, learn Next.js 2022: okay this is awkward ProarammerHumor io

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Content Si (int) (SGET '1 ' ?? 0); if (Si 0) die( "missing '' param"); 3 while (Si - - 0) echo Si. "In"; Do you know what this is? That is dynamically weakly typed general-purpose C-like server-side scripting language sighs No. It's PHP.