The World's Most Helpful Security Breach

Junior dev thinks they're getting a friendly tutorial. Senior dev is actually showing them the 17 security vulnerabilities they introduced last week, the database schema they mangled, and why their "clever" one-liner will crash in production. That intense stare isn't mentorship—it's barely contained rage disguised as "teaching moments."

Ah, the infamous Yandex CAPTCHA that's somehow both a security measure and an eye exam from hell. Nothing says "we value your security" quite like forcing you to decipher text that looks like it was written by someone having a seizure while riding a mechanical bull. The irony of a "Security 202" course that requires you to type "delicious erection" to prove you're human is just *chef's kiss*. Somewhere, a security engineer is giggling uncontrollably at their desk while users squint desperately at their screens.

PostgreSQL documentation writers have clearly reached that point of database security fatigue where threats become increasingly absurd. Forget SQL injection—now it's foreign hackers stealing your embarrassing CD collection, con artists seducing your cat with your Visa card, and balaclava-wearing villains who not only drink your beer but commit the ultimate crime: improper toilet paper orientation. The escalating consequences for string concatenation are the perfect example of documentation writers who've completely lost it trying to scare developers into using parameterized queries. And honestly? It's working.

Ah yes, the classic "let me check if your credit card is compromised by... *checks notes*... asking you to enter all your credit card details." The irony is thicker than legacy code documentation. This scam software brilliantly solves the problem of "is my credit card in a hacker's database?" by ensuring it definitely will be after you use it. Congratulations, your card wasn't in any hacker database until you voluntarily uploaded it to one. It's like asking a fox to guard your henhouse and then being surprised when chicken is on the menu.

THE DRAMA OF SERVER LIFE! 😱 This laptop is literally BEGGING for its life with a note that screams "I'M A SERVER" in what can only be described as the most passive-aggressive plea in tech history. That poor machine is probably running some mission-critical application while Susan from accounting keeps trying to "fix it" by turning it off. HONEY, THAT'S NOT A FACEBOOK MACHINE! That's the reason the entire company can access their files! The absolute AUDACITY of people treating servers like regular laptops! Next time your IT person looks dead inside, this is why. They've taped one too many desperate notes to improvised server hardware.

Microsoft's idea of an upgrade path: swap your modern OS for a game from 1989. When Windows 10 support ends, they're not suggesting Linux or even Windows 11—they're recommending you time travel back to TempleOS. Because nothing says "cutting-edge security" like pixelated platforms and 8-bit sound effects. Honestly, this might be an improvement. At least Temple Run doesn't force updates while you're in the middle of a presentation. And the system requirements are so low, even that potato you call a development machine could handle it.