The OAuth Identity Crisis

Checking if your "universally unique identifier" is actually unique by comparing it to a database of other UUIDs is like asking if your fingerprints are unique by pressing them against everyone else's fingers. The whole point of UUIDs is that they're generated to be mathematically unique without needing to check a central registry. With 2^128 possible combinations, you have better odds of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning... twice... on Mars.

OMG, the Rust evangelism strike force is at it AGAIN! 🦀 Look at these poor C/C++ developers being accosted by yet another Rust zealot preaching about memory safety like it's the second coming! The absolute DRAMA of it all! The Rust fanatic is literally HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN with a school bus to convert them! And that final panel? The resignation of developers who know they're about to endure a 45-minute lecture on why their favorite language is basically committing war crimes against computers. I'm DYING! 💀

Yes, apparently gamers need antivirus software too. Because nothing says "elite gaming rig" like paying €19.99 to protect your system from the viruses you downloaded while trying to get free Minecraft skins. The real game here is Norton convincing gamers they need special protection from "dark web monitoring" when the darkest web most encounter is Discord at 3AM. Bonus points for the physical cards that let you download digital software—perfect for when you want the environmental impact of plastic with the convenience of... having to type everything in anyway.

Senior devs watching juniors implement their own "random" number generator: 4... chosen by fair dice roll... guaranteed to be random. Nothing strikes fear into a cryptographer's heart quite like someone deciding to roll their own randomness. Sure, importing libraries feels like cheating, but at least your app won't have the security strength of a wet paper bag.

Oh look, another Microsoft "feature" to bypass! The classic ms-cxh:localonly command is like that secret handshake that lets you skip the bouncer at the club. After 20 years in tech, nothing brings me more joy than Microsoft thinking they've closed all the backdoors, only for us to find the service entrance. It's the digital equivalent of "I know a guy who knows a guy." The fancy bear in the tux knows what's up - why surrender your email, password, firstborn child, and DNA sample to install an OS you already paid for?

Nothing says "cybersecurity expert" like revealing your email password to generate a cool hacker name! Next up: protect your Bitcoin with your mother's maiden name and the street you grew up on. The perfect security strategy for those who think "Matrix background = elite hacking skills." This is basically every tech-illiterate movie producer's idea of how hacking works. Just type faster and wear a hoodie!