Terrible Auth: The Digital Doorman Who Always Says Yes

Ah yes, the classic "let's use the example key from the documentation" approach to security. Like putting "1234" as your bank PIN because it was the example in the manual. AMD apparently used a test cryptographic key from a NIST publication in actual Zen CPUs for years. The stunned ellipses and "I have no words" perfectly capture that special moment when you discover someone's treated a security example as production-ready code. It's the security equivalent of finding out your nuclear launch codes are "password123".

Ah, weaponizing CSV parsing vulnerabilities—the chaotic neutral approach to security. Adding commas to your password is like putting a tiny landmine in a data breach. When hackers eventually dump the database and try to process it as a CSV file, those commas will shift all the columns and utterly destroy their neat little spreadsheet of stolen credentials. It's both brilliant and completely unhinged. Like sure, your account is still compromised, but at least you've ruined some hacker's day with unexpected field separators. The digital equivalent of putting glitter in an envelope—technically not stopping the crime, just making it way more annoying to commit.

Ah, the Bard's prophetic vision of modern tech support. Shakespeare apparently predicted SSL certificate failures centuries before HTTPS was even a twinkle in Tim Berners-Lee's eye. "To connect, or not to connect, that is the error message." Somewhere, a sysadmin is nodding solemnly while restarting nginx for the fifth time today. The real tragedy isn't Hamlet—it's your expired certificates.

Google Gemini just gave the most "random" string in the history of random strings. Nothing says "I'm definitely not using a pattern" like literally using the alphabet followed by sequential numbers. That's like asking for a random password and getting "password123". Next they'll tell us their favorite dice roll is always 3.5.

The tech workplace hierarchy decoded in grid form! Each IT role has their own unique perception of colleagues, ranging from admiration to outright hostility. Developers see designers as children, while security views everyone as potential threats. QA's perspective is particularly brutal—seeing developers as headache-inducing and project managers as chaotic mobs. The most accurate row might be the sysadmins, who apparently view security folks as actual traffic cops stopping everything. It's basically a documented proof that we're all silently judging each other while pretending to collaborate. The cross-functional team meeting just got awkwardly real.

Ah, the digital equivalent of homeopathy! This meme brilliantly parodies the misguided logic of "what doesn't kill your PC makes it stronger." The top panel shows a disinterested Pooh bear representing the boring, responsible approach of using antivirus software as intended. Meanwhile, fancy tuxedo Pooh in the bottom panel represents the galaxy-brain move of deliberately downloading viruses to "train" your computer's immune system—as if your Dell XPS is going to start developing antibodies after surviving a trojan. It's basically CrossFit for your CPU, except instead of gaining muscle, you're just losing all your banking credentials.