Look, I've been compiling kernels since before some of you had email addresses, and this "research" is spot on. Linux users aren't paranoid - we're just security-conscious individuals who happen to check for NSA backdoors in our toaster firmware.
That command sudo apt-get install kabbalah
? Pure genius. Because when your package manager can't solve dependency hell, might as well try ancient mysticism.
And the kernel panic bit hits too close to home. Nothing like debugging a system crash at 3AM while questioning your life choices and wondering if maybe, just maybe, you should've just bought a Mac like your cousin suggested.
The real schizophrenia is maintaining a love-hate relationship with a system that gives you complete control while simultaneously making you question your sanity. And we wouldn't have it any other way.