The Dependency Villain

That villainous grin you see? That's the face of a developer who's about to "modernize" a critical library by replacing simple binary operations with 17 layers of abstraction, five design patterns, and a dependency on three blockchain networks. The best part? Your entire codebase relies on this library, and the migration guide is just a README that says "should be backward compatible" followed by a winky face emoji. The horror isn't that they're reinventing the wheel—it's that they're replacing it with a quantum-levitating hovercraft that requires a PhD to operate and crashes if Mercury is in retrograde.