Overengineering Memes

Posts tagged with Overengineering

When Your "Big Data" Fits In A Spreadsheet

When Your "Big Data" Fits In A Spreadsheet
The joke here is that 60,000 rows is an absolutely tiny dataset in modern data engineering. Like, microscopic. A competent data engineer could process this on a 10-year-old laptop while running a YouTube video in the background. It's like bragging that your car overheated after driving to the end of your driveway. Any data pipeline that can't handle 60K rows without hardware failure is the computational equivalent of a paper airplane trying to carry passengers across the Atlantic. Real data engineers regularly process billions of rows without breaking a sweat. This is why everyone's laughing - it's the equivalent of someone claiming to be a weightlifting champion because they can lift a gallon of milk.

The Architecture Intelligence Bell Curve

The Architecture Intelligence Bell Curve
The bell curve of architecture wisdom strikes again! On the left, we have the blissfully ignorant junior dev who's happy with a monolith because they don't know any better. In the middle, the insufferable mid-level architect screaming about microservices like they've discovered fire. And on the right, the battle-scarred senior who's been through enough distributed system nightmares to circle back to "just use a damn monolith." Nothing like spending six months untangling a hairball of 47 microservices communicating through a message queue that nobody understands anymore just to realize it could've been three functions in one repo.

New PRNG Just Dropped

New PRNG Just Dropped
The evolution of random number generation in three acts: Act 1: The naive approach. Just slap rand() % 100 and call it a day. It's like using a rusty spoon to perform surgery—technically it cuts, but yikes. Act 2: The "I read the C++ documentation" approach. Suddenly you're all fancy with std::mt19937 and uniform_int_distribution . You've upgraded from rusty spoon to actual medical equipment. Act 3: The final boss of randomness—international trade tariff tables. Because nothing says "unpredictable sequence" like geopolitical economic policies that change whenever someone important has a bad morning coffee. Next week: Using cryptocurrency market fluctuations as your entropy source.

Chronic Refactorer

Chronic Refactorer
The eternal developer paradox in its natural habitat! You start with noble intentions to finish that side project you've been working on for 6 months (or let's be real, 2 years). But then your brain spots a slightly misaligned variable name or a function that could be 2 lines shorter, and suddenly you're knee-deep in a full codebase refactoring session at 3 AM. That "ugly" class becomes a personal vendetta, and before you know it, your simple weather app has become a three-week architecture overhaul while the actual features remain untouched. The dopamine hit from making that code "beautiful" is just too powerful to resist—who needs project completion when you can have perfectly aligned brackets?

Is-Thirteen: The NPM Package We Deserve

Is-Thirteen: The NPM Package We Deserve
The modern JavaScript ecosystem in its full glory! Someone actually created an entire npm package that does nothing but check if a number equals 13. That's it. That's the whole package. The reaction face says it all - that perfect mix of disappointment and existential dread when you realize people are installing a dependency with its own dependencies just to replace x === 13 . And the best part? This isn't even a joke. There are thousands of these micro-packages clogging up the JavaScript ecosystem. Next week: "left-pad-but-only-on-tuesdays" with 3 million weekly downloads.

Pretty Straight Forward

Pretty Straight Forward
Ah yes, C programming at its finest—writing a C program whose sole purpose is to create and execute a bash script. Because why use one language when you can use two? This developer is basically using a nuclear submarine to cross a puddle. The irony is delicious. The code claims "Programming in C is easy" while demonstrating the most convoluted way possible to print "hello world"—by having C generate a bash script with execute permissions, which then prints the message. It's like building a machine that builds a machine that ties your shoelaces. Four system calls when a single printf would do. This is the programming equivalent of taking a flight from New York to Boston with a layover in Tokyo.

This Works In Theory

This Works In Theory
The eternal struggle between theory and reality, illustrated with the elegance of a napkin sketch. What we have here is a linked list implementation of a number classifier that would make computer science professors proud and working developers cry. Sure, in theory, you can determine if a number is odd or even by traversing a linked list where each node points to its opposite classification. Start at "isEven" with 0, follow the pointer once for 1 to get "isOdd", twice for 2 to get back to "isEven"... mathematically sound! Meanwhile, in the real world, the rest of us are just using n % 2 == 0 like normal people and going home at 5pm instead of debugging infinite loops when someone inputs 18,446,744,073,709,551,615.

Machine Learning Overkill

Machine Learning Overkill
Ah, the classic "let's use a sledgehammer to kill a fly" approach. Every tech startup these days thinks they need machine learning to solve problems that could be handled with an if-statement and a cup of coffee. After 15 years in the industry, I've sat through countless pitch meetings where some bright-eyed founder explains how their revolutionary AI will disrupt the sandwich-ordering process. Meanwhile, their actual problem is that they can't figure out how to store user preferences in a database. The real kicker? When they finally implement their neural network to predict topping preferences, it works worse than random chance. But hey, at least they can put "AI-powered" in their pitch deck!

It Works (Somehow)

It Works (Somehow)
The pinnacle of software engineering: a digital clock implementation that would make computer science professors weep. This masterpiece features arrays with missing values, commented out time libraries (because who needs those?), nested loops that would make Dante add another circle to hell, and the iconic comment "//fuck i++" which perfectly captures the developer's spiritual journey. Yet somehow, against all laws of programming and human decency, the output shows a working clock counting from 11:56 to 00:02. It's the coding equivalent of building a rocket with duct tape and prayers—and watching it actually reach orbit.

Is There A Better Way To Do This

Is There A Better Way To Do This
Ah, the classic "let me check every possible capitalization pattern" approach! This developer is manually checking for true , True , TRue , TRUe and then the same for false variants instead of just using toLowerCase() once and comparing to a standard value. The function even returns maybe if neither pattern matches, which is both hilarious and terrifying for Boolean logic. Somewhere, a computer science professor is feeling a disturbance in the force. This is the kind of code that makes code reviewers develop eye twitches and start muttering "string.toLowerCase() === 'true'" in their sleep.

The Seven-Year Dad Joke Deployment

The Seven-Year Dad Joke Deployment
The commitment to the bit is strong with this one. Some developers spend decades mastering languages and frameworks for practical career advancement. Then there's this absolute legend who spent seven years learning game development just to recreate a goose from Animal Crossing for a dad joke. This is the same energy as writing a custom sorting algorithm when you could just use Array.sort(). Or building your own JavaScript framework because React "doesn't meet your specific needs." We've all worked with that developer who takes the scenic route through hell when npm install would've done the trick. I'm not even mad. I'm impressed. This is what peak dedication looks like. Ship it.

Everything Is Computer

Everything Is Computer
Some developer just installed Arch Linux on a vape. Because why enjoy nicotine when you can enjoy kernel panic attacks instead? The screen proudly displays neofetch with that iconic ASCII Arch logo made of characters, complete with system specs. 728MB of RAM - perfect for running exactly one terminal instance before it crashes. Next up: getting Doom to run on it, because that's the true benchmark of unnecessary computing.