Since We're All Unemployed

Content Your salary won't be very good starting out. Is that okay? My performance won't be very good until it is. That okay?

THE ABSOLUTE HORROR of admitting you're still using an HDD in 2023! Everyone GASPS! The room falls SILENT! Your developer friends look at you with such PITY and DISGUST, like you just confessed to coding in Notepad or still using Internet Explorer! DARLING, the loading times! THE LOADING TIMES! How do you even FUNCTION waiting those EXCRUCIATING extra seconds for your IDE to open?! It's basically technological TORTURE at this point! Next thing you'll tell me is that you don't have RGB lighting on your keyboard either! *faints dramatically*

The eternal Mac vs Windows debate just got a third challenger: the 12-year-old Linux prodigy. When someone suggests studying the correlation between childhood computer systems and problem-solving skills, the Linux kid shows up to flex their terminal wizardry. Then comes the savage punchline - they'd have to exclude autistic children because they'd skew the results (implying Linux users have a statistically significant overlap with neurodivergent folks). It's like saying "Your study comparing vanilla and chocolate ice cream preferences is flawed because the mint chocolate chip gang will destroy your bell curve." The stereotype of Linux users being a special breed of problem-solvers who compile their own kernels before breakfast isn't helping their case here.

The MGM lion is the perfect mascot for web development. On the frontend, you've got this majestic, polished beast roaring confidently at users. Flip to the backend and it's just some poor exhausted dev sprawled across a table with their code running upside down and backwards. The backend is where dreams and clean architecture go to die, but hey—at least the users get to see a pretty lion! Ten years in the industry and I still can't tell if I'm the lion or the guy face-planted on the keyboard. Probably depends on the sprint.

Someone just discovered the ultimate version control system - Microsoft Word! Because who needs Git when you can "automatically save changes you made which you can go back" right? Nothing says "professional developer" like writing code in a word processor and using Ctrl+Z as your rollback strategy. The project owner's face when reading this must have been priceless. "Sorry, our code tracking app won't support... *checks notes*... writing code in Word." Revolutionary idea rejected in record time - marked as "not planned" faster than you can say "merge conflict."

The medals arms race continues! Nothing says "I'm a coding general" like slapping 47 language badges on your profile for writing that one legendary "Hello World" program in each. It's the developer equivalent of those participation trophies we all got as kids—except now we're adults pretending our weekend Brainfuck tutorial makes us multilingual programming deities. The true irony? Half those languages were abandoned faster than New Year's resolutions, but the flair remains eternal. "Yes, I wrote a console.log once in 2017... you could say I'm something of a JavaScript expert."