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Ah, the inevitable JavaScript invasion question! The Social Security system runs on COBOL because it was built when dinosaurs roamed Silicon Valley. COBOL's delightful Y2K-ready feature: missing dates default to 1875, creating phantom 150-year-old benefit recipients.
Meanwhile, JavaScript developers are wondering why they can't rewrite critical government infrastructure using npm packages that break every Tuesday. Because nothing says "reliable pension system" like a framework that's deprecated faster than milk expires.
The real tragedy? If Social Security was written in JavaScript, those 150-year-olds would be getting NaN dollars per month while the system tries to figure out if their birthdate is truthy.
