Cobol Memes

God checking in on Earth only to discover his beloved COBOL is no longer the programming superstar?! THE HORROR! 😱 For the uninitiated, COBOL is that ancient programming language from the 1950s that's basically the technological equivalent of a dinosaur that REFUSES to go extinct. It's still running critical financial systems and government infrastructure because apparently rewriting that code would be like trying to perform heart surgery while skydiving. Meanwhile, God's up there clutching his pearls because JavaScript and Python have stolen his thunder. Sorry, big guy, but your precious COBOL is now just the weird grandparent of programming languages that banks can't bear to put in a retirement home!

Ah, the programming language holy wars in their natural habitat! One innocent soul announces "I like Python" while the rest of the room erupts into chaos. JavaScript zealots scream it's the only solution, Java fans hate on Python (the "snake"), and Rust evangelists preach superiority like it's a religion. Meanwhile, in the corner, sweating profusely, we have the ABAP and COBOL programmers just trying to exist without getting murdered. They're the true survivors of the programming ecosystem - maintaining legacy systems while the cool kids fight over who has the shiniest new toy. The perfect representation of developer tribalism. We'll fight to the death over syntax preferences while the mainframe folks quietly keep the world's financial systems running on 60-year-old tech.

The tech industry's time paradox in pixel-perfect form! Entry-level jobs that somehow require you to have been coding since the Nixon administration. Grandpa's been slinging COBOL since 1959 and even HE can't land a job. Meanwhile, recruiters want junior devs with 10 years of experience in a 3-year-old framework. The only true entry-level position is apparently "time traveler with programming skills." Maybe we should all just learn COBOL and wait for the legacy systems to have their revenge!

Nothing says "responsible parenting" quite like abandoning your child with a mainframe computer from the 1970s and a COBOL manual! This is basically the programming equivalent of leaving your kid with dinosaurs as babysitters. That poor child is about to learn that semicolons aren't just for English class and that punch cards were the original "swipe right." The ultimate character-building exercise: debug COBOL or no dinner tonight! Honestly, this might explain why so many banking systems still run on ancient code - those traumatized children grew up and refused to ever touch the code again.