The Great Browser Betrayal

The eternal CS degree debate, summarized perfectly by Ron Swanson's energy. Self-taught devs showing their GitHub profiles to gatekeepers like "I can do what I want." Meanwhile, bootcamp grads and Stack Overflow power users are nodding vigorously in the background. The industry's obsession with credentials is hilarious when half the senior devs can't remember their algorithm classes anyway. Your ability to Google error messages and understand the docs is the real certification here.

When your coworker shares their 4K monitor screen and you suddenly realize they've been coding in font size 8 this whole time. Your retinas burn as you squint at microscopic variable names while they casually navigate their IDE like it's completely normal. Meanwhile, you're over here with font size 16 and still reaching for reading glasses during code reviews.

The infinite hamster wheel of tech addiction! We grind away at our keyboards to fund that shiny new mechanical keyboard with RGB lighting that will somehow make us 0.002% more productive. Then we need a faster PC to handle the keyboard's software. Then a better monitor to appreciate the PC. Then a standing desk for "health reasons." And suddenly we're working 60-hour weeks to pay off the ergonomic chair we bought because we're working 60-hour weeks. It's basically tech Stockholm syndrome with a side of capitalism.

When backend devs try frontend, you get a command-line interface masquerading as a GUI. A menu with numbers? Revolutionary! Meanwhile, frontend devs attempting backend produce nothing but the digital equivalent of a dumpster fire - just a 500 error staring back at you like it's your fault. The universal law of dev teams: stay in your lane or watch everything burn spectacularly. Cross-discipline coding is basically volunteering for public humiliation.

Microsoft slapped a PEGI 3 rating on VS Code like it's just another harmless children's game. Sure, little Timmy, go ahead and install this! In just a few short weeks, you'll be debugging race conditions, contemplating the existential horror of JavaScript promises, and sobbing quietly into your keyboard at 3 AM. Nothing says "suitable for all ages" quite like the psychological trauma of your first merge conflict.

Oh, the TRAGEDY! 😭 Here we are, slaving away in the digital coal mines, writing beautiful code that makes users squeal with delight, while our own existential suffering goes completely unnoticed! Sure, let's spend 47 meetings discussing if that button should be periwinkle blue or seafoam teal for the precious users, but HEAVEN FORBID we talk about the developer sobbing into their keyboard at 2AM because the legacy codebase is held together by duct tape and prayers! The silent tears of developers everywhere, captured perfectly in this crying cat's soul-crushing gaze. Our pain is IMMEASURABLE and our day is RUINED! Where's OUR ergonomic workspace? Where's OUR intuitive interface? The audacity of it all!