Programming languages Memes

The official Haskell account just casually dropped the most DEVASTATING roast in programming history. A C programmer makes a joke about being "in the Nat club, straight up succinc it" (because C programmers are known for their... *compact* code, shall we say), and someone immediately calls them out saying "this joke was not written by a C programmer." Then someone tags Haskell for their expert opinion, and Haskell's response? PURE VIOLENCE. "We can give C programmers some mathematics beyond pointer arithmetic. As a treat." The shade is ASTRONOMICAL. Haskell basically said "aww, look at you C programmers playing with your little pointers like they're actual math. How cute. Want us to show you what REAL mathematics looks like?" It's giving condescending parent energy, and I'm here for it. The functional programming elitists have spoken, and they chose CHAOS.

Someone's out here treating C like it's some ancient evil language from a dystopian sci-fi universe, and honestly? The energy is correct. Calling it "the language of the curse system" is the most dramatic yet accurate description of C I've ever heard. It's the programming equivalent of finding an ancient tome that grants you immense power but also slowly drains your life force through segmentation faults and buffer overflows. Sure, C gave birth to pretty much everything we use today, but it also gave us manual memory management, pointer arithmetic nightmares, and the eternal question: "Did I remember to free() that?" It's like respecting your grandpa who built the family business with his bare hands but also refuses to use a smartphone and insists everything was better when you had to walk uphill both ways to compile your code.

The contrast here is absolutely brutal. Regular programmers get to proudly tell their past selves about their cool modern language, getting that sweet validation. Meanwhile, ABAP programmers? They're being hunted down by the Terminator himself. For context: ABAP (Advanced Business Application Programming) is SAP's proprietary language from the 1980s, still heavily used in enterprise resource planning systems. It's verbose, quirky, and let's just say it hasn't aged like fine wine. More like milk left out in the sun. The joke cuts deep because ABAP devs are stuck maintaining legacy systems that corporations refuse to modernize because "it works" and migration costs are astronomical. So while everyone else is playing with React hooks and Rust async, ABAP programmers are writing DATA: lt_table TYPE STANDARD TABLE OF... you get the idea. Walther Abap didn't invent ABAP (that was actually SAP founders), but the personification of their collective suffering into one target for time-traveling rage? Chef's kiss. 💀

HolyC is the actual programming language created by Terry A. Davis for TempleOS, an entire operating system he built from scratch. The language was literally designed to "talk to God" through divine computing. So when you compile HolyC code, it's not just a build process—it's basically a religious experience. The "Assembly of God" church sign is chef's kiss perfect because HolyC actually compiles down to assembly code, just like C. It's a triple pun: the religious Assembly of God church, the low-level assembly language, and the fact that you're assembling (compiling) code written in a language literally called HolyC. The compiler is essentially performing a sacred ritual, transforming divine source code into executable gospel. Terry Davis was a genuinely brilliant programmer who created an entire OS with its own compiler, kernel, and graphics system—all while battling schizophrenia. TempleOS and HolyC are both fascinating and tragic pieces of computing history.

C programmers defending their language like it's a holy crusade. On one side, you've got the "enlightened" C developers praising their blessed C26 standard, their glorious defer , their great _Generic , the noble true/false keywords (only took 50 years!), and their heroic nullptr . On the other side? The "barbarous" C89 heathens with their wicked goto , primitive void* , backward 1/0 for booleans, and brutish NULL . It's the eternal civil war within the C community. Modern C devs act like they're using a completely different language because they finally got basic features that literally every other language has had since the Stone Age. Meanwhile, the old guard is still writing typedef struct everywhere and using goto cleanup; without shame. Fun fact: C26 is the first standard to add defer , which is basically C admitting that Golang and Zig were onto something. Better late than never, I guess.

British programmers really said "we're not using American spelling in our code" and created elsif just to be different. Meanwhile the rest of the world is stuck choosing between elif (Python, Bash) and else if (JavaScript, Java, C++), but Ruby decided to go full British with elsif . The "otherwise" at the end is just *chef's kiss* because it's so unnecessarily formal and British, like your code is having tea with the Queen. It's the programming equivalent of saying "whilst" instead of "while" – technically correct but makes everyone roll their eyes.