Users And Me: The Production Firefighter

The eternal fork in the developer road. Left path: "My code works but I have no idea why and I'm waiting for someone to expose me as a fraud." Right path: "My beautiful algorithm is clearly superior to whatever garbage my colleagues committed yesterday." The real irony? We switch between these paths roughly 17 times per day. One minute you're secretly Googling basic syntax, the next you're refactoring someone else's code while muttering "who wrote this monstrosity?" The true senior developer wisdom is knowing we're all just making it up as we go along, but some of us are just better at faking confidence while doing it.

Content If it ain't broke don't fix it Optimize everything

Content ..coo Verizon S 9:10 AM 0000 Verizon S 9:10 AM eco Verizon 9:10 AM What do vou know about material design? Oct 19, 2016, 10:22 PM Enough to know that Blue 600 is e88e5 hex codes are hot Damn boy let me GIT some of that So is iava wouldn't mind giving you a unit test Oh don't tease me like that hope you're agile, be this just became a standup meeting Only if I can call you CSS cause I like your style hope we can merge without any conflicts Let's do a pull request so we can commit and make it official call me scrum master cause I find all vour use cases Do you approach your sprints in waterfalls because you're making me wet the time and cost dont matter as long as I can scope out that ass Oat 19, 2016, 11112 PM Are you enterprise architecture because I like vour structure and how you operate Oct 20 2016, 762 AM fyi I'm sharing this convo with my coworkers Oh I'm 100 doing the same Oct 20 2018 8:27 AM hope vou're ready to deploy this package Oct 20.2016. 9:37 AM. Wanna come over later because I got a few things I want to demo from my local Oct 20, 2016, 11:28 AM as long as you can debug my performance girl let me gather vour reguirements 0620 2018 12:11 PM hopefully my user experience leaves vou satisfied ProgrammerHumor to

Content include stdio.h include string.h 3 include stdlib.h 4 5 struct long lat t int degrees; int minutes; char direction 10; 8 9 ; 10 11 int main() 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 32 23 1 25 struct long latt longitude; longitude.degrees158; longitude.minutes3; strepy (longitude.direction, "south"); Missing semicolon X Missing semicolon at line 9. IDE has fixed it. printf("", longitude.degrees) ; return 0;

Content IDEs Unused variables

This meme perfectly captures the existential crisis of every high-level programmer who dares peek under the hood. Top panel shows a clean, elegant C/C++ function to check if a number is odd with a simple bitwise operation. Bottom panel reveals the assembly code equivalent that looks like it's summoning a demon. The reaction face says it all - "You thought you were writing clean code? That's cute. Meanwhile, the compiler is in the back doing dark magic rituals with registers and bit operations." This is why most of us stay comfortably nestled in our high-level languages, blissfully ignorant of the eldritch horrors happening at the assembly level.