Users And Me: The Production Firefighter

Content 5 stages of game developer fixing a bug Me when someone tells me they found a bug in my game ProdrammerHumor.io "It's not a bug it's a feature." "Fine I will fix the damn bug." "I will never emotionallv recover fixing this bug." "The bug is fixed, but I have no idea how or wh"

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Java's compiler is that helicopter parent who interrupts your dinner to remind you about chores you haven't even had a chance to start yet. You're literally mid-keystroke when it starts screaming about unused variables like you've committed some cardinal sin against computer science. Look, I'm aware the variable isn't used yet—I'm still writing the damn function! Give a dev five seconds to finish their thought before throwing a tantrum. It's like being judged for buying ingredients before you've had time to cook the meal.

Ever opened a minified JavaScript file and watched your editor have a seizure? That's the top panel – text editors absolutely losing their minds when they encounter 20 million characters crammed into one unholy line. But 20 million separate lines? No problem! Text editors handle that with a smile, like they're saying "this is fine" while secretly burning your CPU cycles. After 15 years of development, we've perfected everything except making editors that don't choke on production code. The irony is just *chef's kiss*.

Content I Am Devloper iamdevloper shoutout to the absolute heroes out there still downvoting questions on Stack Overflow during coronavirus lockdown. Traduci il Tweet 12:51 24 mar 20 Twitter Web App 351 Retweet 3.259 Mi pace 17 Sander DeBoezelaere 24 mar In risposta a iamdevloper Closed: this topic is too vague, ambiguous and duplicate from one year ago by same user. twitter.comiamdevloperst... (r) I Am Devloper iamdevlo... 24 apr 19 ah, empty day ahead, what to do... fix issues in own life? nah, too hard downvote a 4 year old Stack Overflow question because it wasn't quite phrased correctly according to guidelines? game 9 2 17 96 or in

Content Web dev then Web dev now Drop text file via ftp, done Spend 10 minutes waiting for docker to make 1GB image, install 100500 deps and crash at runtime