Users And Me: The Production Firefighter

When your startup pivots from quality assurance to "vibes assessment" because it sounds cooler. The elegant bear knows what's up—why hire boring QA engineers when you can have someone rate the emotional resonance of your codebase? Sure, your app might crash spectacularly, but at least it'll crash with style . Nothing says "we're doomed but fashionable" like replacing bug testing with mood boards. Next sprint feature: code that doesn't work but feels really good about itself.

Content Junior developer I do not know who l am.. I don't know why I'm here All I know is that I must crash the production server

That awkward moment when your code decides to work after you've spent two hours debugging it, and you have absolutely no idea why. Just sitting there with that Kermit face, questioning your entire career choice. Is it cosmic rays? Cache clearing itself? The programming gods taking pity on you? Whatever it is, you'll take the win but deep down you know this mysterious fix will come back to haunt you in production next week. The most terrifying line in programming isn't an error message—it's code that works when it absolutely shouldn't.

Content ooo verizon 9:10 AM ooo Verizon 9:10 AM 1 1 ooo verizon What do you know about material design? Oct 19. 2016. 10:22 PM Enough to know that Blue 600 is 1885 hex codes are hot Damn bov let me GIT some of that So is lava wouldn't mind giving you a unit test Oh don't tease me like that hope you're agile, be this just became a standup meeting Onlv if I can call vou CSS cause I like vour style I hope we can merge without any conflicts Let's do a pull request so we can commit and make it official call me scrum master cause I'II find all vour use cases Do you approach your sprints in waterfalls because you're making me wet the time and cost don't matter as long as I can scope out that ass Oct 19. 2016. 11:12 PM Are vou enterprise architecture because I like vour structure and how you operate girl let me gather your requirements 9:10 AM 6 11 00 Oct 20, 2016, 7:52 AM fyi I'm sharing this convo with my coworkers Oh I'm 100 doing the same 20 87 AM hope you're ready to deploy this package Oct 20, 2016, 9:37 AM Wanna come over later because I got a few things I want to demo from mv local AM as long as you can debug my performance Cont Oct 20. 2016. 12:11 PM hopefully my user experience leaves vou satisfied GIF Tune a Message. GIF Tune a Messade GIF

Content JUST BECAUSEMA PROGRAMMER DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW HOW TO FIX YOUR COMPUTER! SIS CONE WELL I.DO BUT NOT BECAUSE IM A PROGRAMMER!

Content iF c ' backtrack if c backtrack 1 o ..so if the current character is a comma, we set the back- tracking flag... a-z) 11 10-9) PARSE REMOTE CONFIG commit 5763 to here CLI ENTRY? caused bug here POINT or did it just expose it? ; NEW CONFIG FORMAT PARSER Sarah wrote this, maube ask about weird parse logic? rEMOTE CONFIG LOADER CALLBACK FOR CONFIG STATE no access to source - are we inst re- calculating its state laten? 15.00 00 HEY SO I JUST SENT YOU AN EMAIL ABOUT THAT THING O if c backtrack 1 Jason Heeris 2013 heeris.id.au