Why Do NoSQL Devs Eat Lunch Alone?

When your database race starts off with the trendy new kids (OLTP, OLAP, NoSQL, VectorDB) confidently sprinting ahead, but then SQL comes in like a vengeful god with its classic problems: deadlocks, negative account balances, unsupported JOINs, and the eternal "still building that index..." message. The real kicker? That little guy watching from the sidelines with a wrench is probably the DBA who's been warning everyone about proper indexing strategies for the past three months. But sure, let's just throw more RAM at it. Meanwhile VectorDB is already having an existential crisis trying to figure out what a deadlock even means in vector space.

Content When your manager learns a new buzzword and needs to drop it every meeting

Content have computer issue google issue reddit thread recommends program that does the exact thing i need github link oh no "open source" OH NO no exe install instructions are 1000 words can only be run via cmd download doesn't include dependencies "how to use" is even longer than install instructions ten million commands that does shit no one has ever needed name of program is "issue fixer" to fix issue you need a 200 word command fuck this go back to reddit thread "just change this registry key" go to reg.edit change a single "enable" to "disable" problem instantly fixed why the fuck is every single github program so bloated and non-user friendly? if your program doesnt have a UI or at the very least a fucking exe your degree should be revoked

Content I use Query It means he's afraid of the DOM document.getElementByld What does Query mean? No, it doesn't. Stop it, Patrick, you're scaring hims

Database joins explained through facial hair is the education we never knew we needed. Left join keeps all records from the left table but only matching ones from the right—just like how our guy keeps his left-side beard but borrows facial hair only where the right face matches. Right join? Reverse that logic. Inner join is where both tables have matching records, so only the mustache survives. And full join keeps everything from both tables, resulting in that glorious full-beard situation. Who needs ER diagrams when you've got these magnificent faces teaching SQL? The database professor we deserved but never had.

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