The Government Doesn't Use SQL

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Content Your Qualifications: 7 years of experience building services with .NET Core Understanding of microservice architectures Hands-on experience with modern JavaScript frameworks, such as Angular or React Expert knowledge of SQL and understanding of database principles Experience with Kafka or other messaging systems, cloud services, Docker, andor Kubernetes preferred Interpersonal skills and the ability to present to team members in a clear, articulate manner

Content Senior Software Engineer A successful video company, with millions of users worldwide, is seeking a senior software engineer. Work-life balance flexible hours. The amazing well equipped offices are in Tel Aviv (near the train station). n"in n7u t D'Taly 200 - 50 Experience in developing large scale distributed systems. Deep understanding of strong Computer Science fundamentals: Object-Oriented design, data structures systems, applications programming and multithreading programming. 300 years of programming experience in Java or equivalent Object-Oriented language. Experience with SQL and NoSQL. Highly proficient in Linux environment. B.Sc in Computer Science or equivalent. Advantage: Experience with Big Data tools. Knowledge in algorithms, data-mining and machine learning. Experience in HTML, CSS, JavaScript, ReactS, AngularJS or other client frameworks.

Content SITUATION: THERE ARE 14 CoMPETING STANDARDS, HOW STANDARDS PROLIFERATE: (SEE: AC CHARGERS, CHARACTER ENCODINGS, INSTANT MESSAGING, ETC) 14?! RIDICULOUS! SOON: WE NEED TO DEVELOP ONE UNIVERSAL STANDARD THAT COVERS EVERYONE'S USE CASES. YEAH! SITUATION: THERE ARE 15 COMPETING STANDARDS.

Content SOL EXPERT PEOPLE LEARNING THINGS LIKE NOSQL, BIG DATA, DATA LAKES I used to be "with it". But then they changed what "it was. Now, what I'm with isn't "it" and what's uff" seems weird and scary to me TEL It'll happen to you!

Content EVERY CLOUD ARCHITECTURE GLOBAL ASSUMPTIONS CIDR SHENANIGANS MANAGED SERVICE MIS UN- MANAGED MANAGEABL SERVICE SERVICE RO FRICKIN' SLICK REVERSE PROXY VPN oF SADNESS CONTAINERS!! I LOOK AT ALL THESE CONTAINERS COOL DATABASES MIDNIGHT HEROICS THE DATA ENGINEERS COT VERY EXCITED HERE EVENT BUS RSUME BLAME RADIUS SERVICES SERVICES THAT THAT START STOP STUFF STUFF forrestbrazeal REAL DATABASE SERVICES THaT LIKE TO WATCH ONE TINY CRON JOB THAT KEEPS EVERYTHING FROM FALLING APART DATA LAKE E3 DATA SWAMP