What My Boss Thinks My Job Is

ChatGPT can't count words properly, and we're worried about AI taking our jobs? Please. The robot uprising will be delayed by basic arithmetic errors. It's like watching a calculator struggle with 2+2 while claiming it's ready to design nuclear reactors. The irony of an AI failing at following simple instructions about word count is just *chef's kiss* perfect job security.

The eternal cycle of tech hype has reached AI, and seasoned devs are getting tired. Non-technical folks are out here acting like AI is going to replace us all tomorrow while pushing no-code solutions that barely work. Meanwhile, actual developers know the truth: these tools are just fancy autocomplete with good marketing. Instead of dropping cash on "AI that writes code," people could learn how their systems actually work and build sustainable solutions. But that requires effort, and why do that when you can just slap "AI-powered" on everything? The real kicker? We're the ones who'll have to clean up the technical debt when the hype dies down. Just like we did with blockchain, serverless, and whatever "vibe coding" is supposed to be.

Ah, the eternal quest for the perfect search engine—a journey more convoluted than trying to explain to your mom why her computer is slow. This flowchart perfectly captures the existential crisis of modern developers. On one path, you've got the vector search hipsters who think they're too cool for regular search (spoiler: they are). Then there's the keyword search folks desperately seeking fault-tolerance like it's the last slice of pizza at a dev meetup. My personal favorite is the "petabytes of logs" branch. Do you really need so many logs? Well... YES . Because nothing says "I'm a serious engineer" like hoarding data you'll never actually look at. And then there's the person who just wants Google without the AI hallucinations. Sorry buddy, wrong flowchart—but I feel your pain. We all miss the days when search results weren't trying to predict your existential crises. The real genius here is how accurately it portrays our decision-making process: a chaotic mess of technical requirements, personal preferences, and completely arbitrary choices that somehow ends with us picking whatever was mentioned in that conference talk we half-listened to last month.

When every single AI tool bombards you with the same "What do you want to build today?" prompt for the 47th time. Sure, I'll build a blockchain-based social network for cats with AR integration in 0.2 seconds! The rage is real when these no-code platforms promise to turn your napkin sketch into a production-ready app while actual developers are busy fighting dependency hell and merge conflicts. That "build your app in seconds" promise hits different after spending 3 hours configuring webpack.

The ultimate tech resume flex: listing every framework, library, and tool you've ever glanced at for 0.5 seconds. That massive word salad of technologies—from Python to TensorFlow to "purrr"—is peak developer peacocking. The punchline is genius though. Asking recruiters to identify which ones are Pokémon is the perfect trap since several of these actually sound like Pokémon names (looking at you, "sparklyR" and "vulpix"—and yes, Vulpix is actually a fire-type Pokémon). It's the perfect litmus test for technical recruiters who claim to understand what you do but can't tell a data visualization library from something that shoots thunderbolts.

Just what we needed - startups promising to swap our heads like Lego pieces, but can't deliver until "within a decade." Classic tech vaporware with a side of body horror! They'll probably ship the beta with known bugs like "occasional neck disconnection" and "consciousness randomly migrates to the cloud." Meanwhile, their pitch deck shows a 500% growth projection based entirely on VC partners who want spare bodies for when they burn out their current ones. The finest example of "we were so preoccupied with whether we could, we didn't stop to think if we should" since cryptocurrency-powered toasters.