php Memes

The eternal zombie apocalypse that is PHP development. Since 1995, developers have been declaring PHP dead while recommending the hot new framework—ColdFusion, ASP.NET, Ruby on Rails, Django, NextJS—only for PHP to keep shambling along, refusing to die. By 2025, we'll be celebrating its 30th birthday while still writing those same

OH. MY. GOD. This flowchart is the MOST SAVAGE roast of programming languages I've ever witnessed! 💀 Want to make money but you're dumb? JavaScript it is! No friends? PHP is your soulmate! Like snakes? PYTHON, OBVIOUSLY! 🐍 The audacity of asking "Are you even a human?" before recommending Perl is just... *chef's kiss*. And don't get me started on how C++ is for people who don't want to be happy. THE TRUTH HURTS! This flowchart doesn't just choose a programming language for you—it reads your entire personality and then DRAGS IT across the floor! Whoever made this woke up and chose violence. Period.

THE ETERNAL ZOMBIE LANGUAGE THAT REFUSES TO DIE! 💀 For THREE DECADES developers have been screaming "PHP is dead!" while frantically pushing the next hot framework. ColdFusion! ASP.NET! Ruby on Rails! Django! NextJS! Each one supposedly hammering the final nail in PHP's coffin. Meanwhile, PHP is just sitting there, powering like 78% of the internet, sipping tea and planning its 30th birthday party. The ultimate comeback story! The cockroach of programming languages that survives every nuclear framework bomb dropped on it! And the irony? We're still typing

SWEET MOTHER OF DEPENDENCY INJECTION! 💀 The absolute TRAGEDY of finding another PHP developer at your 20th reunion only to discover they're a total FRAUD! The poor soul is desperately nodding along to terms like "Eloquent guy" and "Doctrine dude" while their brain is SCREAMING in confusion! And the final nail in the coffin? They're building *gasp* WORDPRESS WEBSITES while pretending it's "worldwide SaaS"! The betrayal! The deception! The sheer AUDACITY of claiming PHP knowledge when you can't tell Symfony Messenger from a text message! This is why we have trust issues in the developer community!

The tech world's most reliable constant isn't Moore's Law—it's our ability to prematurely declare PHP dead while it quietly powers half the internet. From ColdFusion (1995) to ASP.NET (2002) to Ruby on Rails (2004) to Django (2006) to NextJS (2018), we've spent three decades confidently announcing PHP's funeral while writing our revolutionary frameworks that will "definitely replace it this time." Yet here we are in 2025, celebrating PHP's 30th birthday. The language that refuses to die despite our best efforts. It's like that coworker who keeps surviving layoffs despite doing everything in Comic Sans.

The elegant evolution of string splitting functions across languages, from Java's sensible split() to C#'s fancy uppercase Split() ... and then there's PHP with explode() – because why use normal terminology when you can pretend you're Michael Bay destroying strings with dramatic explosions? PHP developers really woke up and chose violence for their function naming conventions. Imagine explaining to a non-programmer: "Yes, I'm just going to explode this string into pieces. Don't worry, it's normal here."

The ultimate parental disappointment: when your code-loving parent is desperately trying to coax you into saying "Python" but you blurt out "PHP!" instead. Straight to the orphanage you go! It's like naming your favorite dinosaur "JavaScript" at the family dinner table – instant disownment. The programming language hierarchy is brutal, and apparently, so is programmer parenting.

Imagine writing your entire codebase in JavaScript just to avoid import tariffs. Time to start a black market for Python modules and Java libraries. "Yes officer, these are American-made classes, definitely not smuggled from Finland. The umlaut is just for aesthetics."

Remember when developers just... wrote code? Wild concept, I know. The tweet sarcastically points out how Zuckerberg built Facebook in 2005 without today's trendy tech stack buzzwords that junior devs think are mandatory for any project with more than 3 users. Back then, it was PHP, MySQL, and sheer determination—not Kubernetes clusters managing serverless functions with real-time edge replication while mining Bitcoin on the side. Next time your startup "needs" a microservice architecture to handle 12 users, remember: Facebook served millions with technology that would make modern architects clutch their mechanical keyboards in horror.

The job market for programmers in a nutshell! Everyone's turning down opportunities until someone mentions PHP, and suddenly there's a disturbance in the force. That desperate "for PHP" reveal is the programming equivalent of saying you need someone to clean portable toilets at a music festival. Suddenly the room goes silent, lightning strikes, and the only person left is that one dev who hasn't updated their resume since 2006. The rest of us would rather code on a typewriter than touch that legacy spaghetti monster.

Ah, string manipulation in different languages - where consistency goes to die. Java's split() and C#'s Split() both follow sensible naming conventions, but then PHP comes along with explode() like that one developer who insists on naming variables after Pokémon characters. Ten years into my career and I still have to Google this function name every time I touch PHP code. It's like the language was designed by someone who thought "How can I make this as confusing as possible for people coming from literally any other language?"

PHP has been declared dead more times than a character in a soap opera, yet it powers about 77% of the web. It's the tech equivalent of that one cockroach that survives nuclear winter. Modern frameworks like Laravel have given it life support, but developers still look at it with the same bewilderment as someone witnessing a zombie doing taxes. "It shouldn't be alive, but here we are."