PHP: The Undying Language

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting(E ALL); ini set ("displayerrors", true); printi'7xml version"1.0" encoding "UTF-8" 7'. "In"):?

Content Akhil Singh akhilbits My uber driver today told me that he can code in python and php. Now he is learning Hadoop. But he'll continue to drive as he earns more this way. He said that he gets more trips than other drivers because he understands how uber algorithm works.

Content Why should we learn HTML, PHP, javascripy etc to build a website, when there's tools like WordPress? 2 Follow 8 Request 000 More Answer 1 Answer Keral Patel, Webmaster Answered 21m ago It's just like, You should learn how to walk, run, jump, kick, do sit-ups etc even if there's a wheelchair which could take you anyplace you want. ProgrammerHumor

Content There are 2 types of people in the world. 25 if token then 26 print ("success") 27 lend 28 21 if token then 22 print ('success") 23 end 24

Content Your friend wants to learn to program. What language do you recommend? A. JavaScript B. Java (includes Kotlin) C. Ruby D. Python E. C F. Go G. CC H. Swift 1. PHP 9:48 pm 12 Oct 20 Twitter for iPhone 3 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 53 Likes 17 thepoosh lepoosh 13h Replying to donnfelker the question is always "what do you want to do with it?" if it's apps, SwiftJava if it's websites (front and back) javascript if it's data science probably python if it's government C if I hate him PHP

The tech world's most reliable constant isn't Moore's Law—it's our ability to prematurely declare PHP dead while it quietly powers half the internet. From ColdFusion (1995) to ASP.NET (2002) to Ruby on Rails (2004) to Django (2006) to NextJS (2018), we've spent three decades confidently announcing PHP's funeral while writing our revolutionary frameworks that will "definitely replace it this time." Yet here we are in 2025, celebrating PHP's 30th birthday. The language that refuses to die despite our best efforts. It's like that coworker who keeps surviving layoffs despite doing everything in Comic Sans.