PHP: The Undying Language

Content Y Hacker News new threads past comments ask show jobs submit best 1. A "AI is dangerous", says CEO of Sigma Technologies (arxiv.org) 1678 points by Akronymus 5 days ago 874 comments 2. A Apple to invest 200 millions in PHP (techcrunch.com) 1371 points by topshelf 5 days ago 835 comments 3. A California bans Taco Tuesdays (forbes.com) 1229 points by etiam 4 days ago 470 comments 4. A Why I stopped using toilet paper (substack.com) 820 points by mfiguiere 4 days ago 729 comments 5. A Rust 4.3.2 released (rust-lang.org) 790 points by werner 3 days ago 157 comments 6. A Stop using compilers (medium.com) 750 points by dagurp 4 days ago 432 comments ProgrammerHumor.

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set("display errors" true); print('?yml version"1.0" encodina" TF.8" ?' "n"):?

Content HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE Do you want to make a lot of money? Are you dumb? Delohi Dumh AF? Are vou an engineer? Do you have friends' Do you like snakes? Are you old? Do you love yourselt? Are they dumb AF (00? pup Python Do you like Windows? Fortran Matlab Do you want to be happy? Vas Java C Javascript Ruby Switt Part ProarammerHumor.io

Content E FOSSBYTES NEWS v GEEK v SECURITY HOWTO TOPX v REI The survey revealed that PHP is the most hated programming language with 19 of developers disliking it. The second most hated language was Java with 11, followed by Objective-C in third place with 12. On the other hand, Python won the position of the most loved programming language with 51 voting for it. The second slot was taken by JavaScript with 49 and the third by Java with 37. NYPD

The ultimate developer survival kit: PHP programming book + bleach. Because after writing PHP code, you'll either want to sanitize your inputs or your eyeballs. Amazon's algorithm knows exactly what you need after a day of wrestling with string concatenation and undefined variables. At least the bleach gives you options – clean your keyboard of shame or drink away the memory of that spaghetti code you just committed to production. $42.50 seems like a small price to pay for both therapy and technical documentation.

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