PHP: The Undying Language

Content Me after defending PHP all day from trolls

The ultimate parental disappointment: when your code-loving parent is desperately trying to coax you into saying "Python" but you blurt out "PHP!" instead. Straight to the orphanage you go! It's like naming your favorite dinosaur "JavaScript" at the family dinner table – instant disownment. The programming language hierarchy is brutal, and apparently, so is programmer parenting.

Content Me operating an actual server Also me operating a washing machine "Alright, proxmox installed, all the 19 LXCs are properly set up. Web services are proxied through a nginx to make SSL cert setup easier. Valheim, CS:GO and icarus game servers are running. And it only took 45 Minutes." "Hi Mum, thanks for answering my call. Listen, I have a question, where do I put in the laundry detergent?"

The bread hierarchy has spoken! Behold the programming language bakery where HTML is that one weird flat bread that didn't rise properly because surprise it's not even a programming language—it's a markup language! Meanwhile, Python, Java, C++, PHP, and C# are all fluffy, fully-risen loaves ready to handle actual computation logic. The bread metaphor is painfully accurate—HTML provides structure but can't "do" anything without JavaScript kneading some life into it. Next time someone claims HTML is their favorite programming language, just point to this carb-loaded taxonomy chart.

The secret weapon of PHP developers is hiding in plain sight! While Java and C# devs party together oblivious to the danger, our lonely PHP dev stands in the corner with the ultimate string manipulation superpower. In PHP, the dot (.) operator concatenates strings, while other languages use the plus (+) sign—which can cause all sorts of type conversion headaches. The PHP dev is basically a string-exploding wizard while the statically-typed language folks are busy high-fiving each other. It's like bringing a nuclear bomb to a knife fight and nobody even noticed!

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