How Web Devs Be Discussing C++ Vs Rust

Ah, the classic Medium experience. Shows up all excited with pizza (free articles), only to discover the place is literally on fire with paywalled content, AI garbage, and people yelling at each other about tech stacks. Yet we keep coming back like digital masochists. The "Stop using X" articles are particularly chef's-kiss terrible—written by someone who used the technology for exactly 37 minutes before declaring it "fundamentally broken."

A cosmic correlation chart showing Earth as the only planet with both JavaScript and 120+ billion deaths. Turns out JavaScript wasn't created to build web apps—it's actually an elaborate population control mechanism! Those undefined is not a function errors aren't bugs, they're features designed to induce developer rage-quitting existence. The real reason aliens haven't contacted us? They scanned our GitHub repos and noped right out of our solar system. "TypeError: Cannot read property 'intelligence' of undefined."

The classic "let me know if you need anything else" client interaction has reached its final form. Some non-technical person casually asking you to "write my entire app" while they nap is the modern equivalent of "can you fix my printer while you're here?" Except now they want you to build the next Facebook during their power nap. The sinister wojak response is every developer's inner monologue when clients have absolutely no concept of time, effort, or reality. We smile politely while internally plotting to make their app harvest data and addict users... because that's totally how programming works, right?

Ever opened a new text editor and felt like you're suddenly coding blind? Without syntax highlighting, your brain just knows something is fundamentally wrong with the universe. It's like trying to read binary without your glasses. Your fingers hover over the keyboard as your soul quietly whispers, "Where did my beautiful colored keywords go?" The Matrix has clearly glitched, and you're not about to write a single line until those conditionals turn blue and those strings go green.

Ever opened a minified JavaScript file and watched your editor have a seizure? That's the top panel – text editors absolutely losing their minds when they encounter 20 million characters crammed into one unholy line. But 20 million separate lines? No problem! Text editors handle that with a smile, like they're saying "this is fine" while secretly burning your CPU cycles. After 15 years of development, we've perfected everything except making editors that don't choke on production code. The irony is just *chef's kiss*.

When you spend weeks crafting 500 lines of code and end up with a digital stick figure house, but then some YouTuber casually drops a 50-line masterpiece that looks like a luxury villa designed by Tony Stark... This is the programming equivalent of spending 3 hours making mac and cheese from scratch while someone else whips up a gourmet feast in 15 minutes using "one simple trick." Those YouTube tutorial wizards don't just solve your problem—they make you question your entire career choice. And somehow they always start with "Hello friends, today we will build simple project" in that unmistakable accent that has saved more developer careers than Stack Overflow.