Fuck Benchmarks. How Much Fps Are You Getting On The Bigrat??

Database sitting there like it's filling out TPS reports while Cache is handling a full press conference. Typical. The database is doing all the actual work storing your precious data, but Cache gets all the attention because it's faster at answering the same stupid questions over and over. Just like management - they'll ignore the reliable workhorse and praise the flashy middleman who just repeats what everyone already knows.

The eternal question from management: "Why pay engineers when Stack Overflow is free?" The answer is brutally simple. Copying code: $1. Knowing which code won't crash your production server at 2AM: $100,000/year. The real skill isn't typing—it's knowing which StackOverflow answer won't summon demons through your USB ports.

Oh. My. GOD! The absolute DRAMA of web development in one perfect meme! 💅 Here we have the eternal love triangle of web requests - API and User are TOTALLY consenting to this data exchange while CORS is standing there like the ultimate party pooper screaming "I DON'T!" For the uninitiated, CORS (Cross-Origin Resource Sharing) is that INFURIATING security feature that blocks your frontend from talking to different domains. It's literally the chastity belt of web development that makes you jump through a million hoops just to GET. YOUR. DATA. And the caption? PURE GENIUS. "Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?" Because honey, you can consent all you want, but if you didn't set those precious little headers right, CORS is going to SHUT. IT. DOWN. faster than you can say "Access-Control-Allow-Origin"!

The ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of JavaScript development! 😱 You're literally stepping on a rake and SMACKING yourself in the face every five minutes! Meanwhile, TypeScript developers are doing professional-grade skateboard tricks like they were BORN on a half-pipe! Sure, JavaScript lets you code with the wild abandon of a caffeinated toddler at a candy store, but TypeScript is over there preventing runtime errors like it's getting PAID PER SAVE. The difference is so dramatic it's practically a Broadway musical waiting to happen! 💅

Ah yes, the sacred transformation ritual. Buy a MacBook, read half of an O'Reilly book, and suddenly you're qualified to rewrite Google's codebase from scratch. The cartoon character's smug little face says it all – that special moment when you've learned just enough HTML to update your LinkedIn title to "Full Stack Engineer." Meanwhile, actual developers are crying in the corner with their decade of experience and impostor syndrome.

Ah, the classic programmer paradox. You claim you don't have impostor syndrome while simultaneously providing irrefutable evidence that you do. It's like saying your code has no bugs while frantically hiding 47 console.log() statements and a TODO comment from 2019. This hits way too close to home. After 20 years in this industry, I still Google basic syntax while leading architecture meetings. We're all just that student who somehow got an honors diploma despite feeling completely illiterate in our own codebase. The difference is we don't sue about it - we just keep collecting those paychecks until someone figures out we're just sophisticated pattern matchers with caffeine dependencies.