How To Get Fired In One Easy Step

GASP! The absolute AUDACITY of this poll! 😱 A mere 0.8% think Microsoft understands consent while a STAGGERING 99.2% chose "Remind me in 3 days" - which is basically the digital equivalent of "I'm going to keep asking until you give me the answer I want!" It's like that pushy friend who keeps texting about their MLM opportunity even after you've blocked their number on SEVENTEEN different platforms! Microsoft's update notifications and privacy settings are basically that clingy ex who just CAN'T take a hint! The irony is so thick you could spread it on toast and call it breakfast!

The first part of this authentication function is actually doing its job—checking if the password matches. But then comes the security masterpiece: if (true == true) . Congratulations, you've created the digital equivalent of a bouncer who checks your ID and then lets you in anyway because "yep, gravity still works!" This function will authenticate literally anyone who gets past the first check... or fails it and just keeps trying. Security experts hate this one weird trick!

The cybersecurity version of tech support's favorite question! While normal IT folks ask if you've tried turning it off and on again, security professionals have to redact that advice because... well, turning things off might actually be a valid security measure. Nothing fixes vulnerabilities quite like complete isolation from the network! The guy's RTFM shirt is just the cherry on top – because in security, nobody ever reads the manual until after the breach has happened. Classic "I told you so" fashion.

The ultimate IT hostage situation! Dennis Nedry knew exactly what he was doing when he said "I'm the only IT person here. Pay me what I'm worth." It's the tech equivalent of having the nuclear codes. Every company that runs on a single sysadmin is basically Jurassic Park waiting to happen. "Oh, you want documentation? That'll be another $50K. Want me to fix the critical bug at 3am? Hope you've got premium support!" Hammond's reluctant "I'm not happy about it... but OK" is every CEO who just realized their entire operation depends on that weird guy with root access and a questionable fashion sense. If only they'd hired a backup dev before building a park full of murder lizards...

Measuring developer productivity by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. The irony here is delicious – the engineers who write the most elegant, efficient code that handles critical infrastructure like security and performance probably wrote the fewest lines. Good security code is minimal and precise. Meanwhile, the person who copy-pasted 10,000 lines from Stack Overflow to make a button slightly rounder just got promoted to Chief Engineer. The tech industry's equivalent of promoting surgeons based on how many incisions they make rather than how many patients survive.

The pristine folder structure in the left panel is the stuff of developer fantasies! A beautifully organized project with logical entity relationships and clear naming conventions. Meanwhile, the actual JSON file on the right is a truncated mess with fields like "password" and "birthdate" just hanging out in plain text. Nothing says "technical debt" quite like storing sensitive user data without proper encryption or hashing. The real answer to "What's stopping your codebase from looking like this?" is probably three deadlines ago, five energy drinks, and that one PM who keeps saying "we'll refactor later."