Bad practices Memes

Posts tagged with Bad practices

How Real Programmers Handle Bugs

How Real Programmers Handle Bugs
Classic move: when the compiler catches your divide-by-zero, just give it a variable name and suddenly it's "intentional." Because nothing says "I know what I'm doing" like wrapping your runtime exception in a slightly fancier package. Top panel: direct division by zero, compiler's all confident and screaming at you. Bottom panel: same exact bug, just with extra steps and a variable declaration. Compiler suddenly gets polite and respectful, like you've unlocked some secret knowledge. Spoiler alert: your program still crashes at runtime. You didn't fix anything—you just moved the explosion from compile-time to production. But hey, at least it compiled, right? Ship it.

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail
You know you've committed a cardinal sin when even your fellow inmates want nothing to do with you. Using Excel as a database is like bringing a spoon to a knife fight – technically it works, but everyone's judging you. We've all seen it: some product manager or business analyst proudly managing 50,000 rows of "critical production data" in a shared Excel file on OneDrive. No version control, no data validation, no foreign keys, just pure chaos and merged cells everywhere. And don't even get me started on the inevitable "Excel_Final_v2_FINAL_USE_THIS_ONE.xlsx" situation. The prisoner's crime is so heinous that even hardened criminals recoil in horror. Murder? Acceptable. Tax evasion? Understandable. But Excel as a database? That's where society draws the line.

No Documentation

No Documentation
You know that feeling when you push 5,000 lines of undocumented spaghetti code to production on Friday afternoon, then drive away into the sunset with zero guilt? That's the energy here. No README, no comments, variable names like "x2" and "temp_final_FINAL_v3", and a codebase architecture only decipherable by archaeological carbon dating. The next developer who touches this will need therapy and a ouija board. But hey, not your problem anymore. You're already three exits down the highway, phone on silent, living your best life.

Client Side Validation

Client Side Validation
So you're checking if an email is already taken by sending it to the server, getting back a list of all registered emails , and then doing a client-side .includes() check? That's like asking the bank to give you everyone's account numbers just to verify yours doesn't exist yet. Not only is this a massive security vulnerability (congrats, you just leaked your entire user database to anyone with DevTools open), but it's also hilariously inefficient. Why return an array of potentially millions of emails when the server could just return a boolean? The backend dev is probably crying somewhere. The cherry on top? After doing all this client-side "validation," you're still showing success messages without any actual server confirmation. Chef's kiss of terrible architecture. 🤌

Vibe Coder

Vibe Coder
You know someone's coding purely on vibes when they start sprinkling emojis into their codebase like it's a text message to their bestie. Nothing screams "I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm having fun" quite like a `// TODO: fix this later 😅` comment or a variable named `isValid✅`. These are the developers who treat their IDE like a social media app, adding 🚀 to deployment scripts and 💀 next to buggy functions. Sure, your code might fail in production, but at least it'll fail with personality. The technical debt is real, but the aesthetic? *Chef's kiss* 👨‍🍳💋

Sounds A Bit Simple

Sounds A Bit Simple
The classic "I'll just roll my own" energy right here. Using random , time , or os modules for random number generation? That's for normies who understand entropy and cryptographic security. Real chads hardcode their RNG by... wait, what? Just picking a number and calling it random? The top panel shows the sensible approach—leveraging well-tested external modules that actually use system entropy, hardware noise, or timing jitter to generate proper random numbers. The bottom panel? That's the developer who thinks return 4; // chosen by fair dice roll. guaranteed to be random. is peak engineering. It's deterministic chaos masquerading as randomness, and honestly, it's the kind of confidence that breaks cryptographic systems and makes security researchers weep into their coffee. Pro tip: If your random number generator doesn't involve at least some external entropy source, you're basically just writing fan fiction about randomness.

I Must Be A Genius

I Must Be A Genius
Rolling your own JWT authentication is basically the security equivalent of performing brain surgery on yourself because you watched a YouTube tutorial. Sure, you technically implemented authentication, but you've also probably introduced 47 different attack vectors that a security researcher will gleefully document in a CVE someday. There's a reason why battle-tested libraries like Passport, Auth0, or even Firebase Auth exist. JWT has so many gotchas—algorithm confusion attacks, token expiration handling, refresh token rotation, secure storage, XSS vulnerabilities—that even experienced devs mess it up. But hey, at least you can brag about it at parties while the security team quietly adds your endpoints to their watchlist. Pro tip: If your JWT implementation doesn't make you question your life choices at least three times, you're probably missing something important.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Hello Darkness My Old Friend
You're innocently working on line 6061, making some small change to a function, when suddenly you need to jump to the implementation. Your IDE dutifully takes you there... and you land on line 19515. That sinking feeling in your stomach? That's the realization that you're now deep in a 13,000+ line file that someone (probably you six months ago) promised to refactor "later." Nothing says "technical debt" quite like a single file that could double as a novella. At this point, you're not even mad—just impressed that your IDE hasn't crashed yet. Time to add another TODO comment and pretend you didn't see it.

Feeling The Burn Of Self-Recognition

Feeling The Burn Of Self-Recognition
That awkward moment when you're Googling "worst coding practices to avoid" and suddenly your entire codebase is being described in painful detail. Nothing quite matches the existential dread of realizing you're not reading a list of mistakes—you're reading your autobiography. The side-eye puppet perfectly captures that moment of horrific self-awareness when Stack Overflow basically says "you know that thing you're doing? Yeah, don't do that." Bonus points if you find your exact implementation labeled as "Example of what NOT to do."

When You Get Paid By Lines Of Code

When You Get Paid By Lines Of Code
The most elegant solution: return user || null; The solution when your manager mentions "performance bonuses tied to code output metrics": whatever this monstrosity is. Somewhere, a junior dev is wondering why their PR keeps getting rejected while the tech debt architect who wrote this garbage is getting promoted.

Know The Programmer Rules: Goto Edition

Know The Programmer Rules: Goto Edition
The first panel shows a normal control flow diagram with a simple if-else structure - clean, logical, and respected by all decent programmers. The second panel shows what happens when you use the forbidden goto statement - you break the natural order and end up in an infinite loop of misery, just like the poor soul who's now stuck on the phone with HR instead of flirting. This is basically the programming equivalent of texting your crush but accidentally sending it to your boss. The goto statement: turning your romantic "Awww you're sweet" moment into an awkward HR conversation since 1958.

How To Assign Ids Like A Pro

How To Assign Ids Like A Pro
Sure, install a whole package to generate a unique ID when Date.now() is sitting right there, ready to create timestamp collisions in your production database. Nothing says "senior developer" like using the current millisecond as your primary key. Who needs data integrity when you can have simplicity? Five years later when two users click submit at the exact same millisecond, you'll remember this meme while updating your resume.