Bad practices Memes

Posts tagged with Bad practices

Another Smart Move

Another Smart Move
Ah yes, the presidential decree of bad programming practices. Nothing says "Make Software Great Again" like starting arrays at 1 (a crime in most programming languages), using only global variables (the radioactive waste of code), and deploying untested code straight to production on a Friday (the ultimate "I hate my weekend" power move). It's basically an executive order to create job security through chaos. Ten years of debugging later, you'll still be finding remnants of this administration in your codebase.

Normalization? Never Heard Of Her.

Normalization? Never Heard Of Her.
Behold, the perfect metaphor for every "I'll fix it later" database design. That Polish town is what happens when junior devs store everything in one massive table—address, name, payment info, order history, favorite color, and probably their grandmother's maiden name too. Database normalization exists for a reason, folks. Without it, you're just cramming 6,000 entities onto a single street called "users_table_v2_FINAL_ACTUALLY_FINAL.sql" and wondering why your queries take longer than a Windows update.

Fixing Bugs The Corporate Way

Fixing Bugs The Corporate Way
The classic "if it's not tested, it's not broken" approach in its purest form. Nothing says "professional developer" quite like deleting the evidence instead of fixing the actual problem. Management wanted green tests by Friday, and technically, they got them. Just wait until production deploys and the real testing begins – by actual users. That's when the true debugging Olympics start.

One Table Databases

One Table Databases
Just like that Polish town where 6,000 people share a single street address, single-table databases cram everything into one horrific data structure. No relationships, no normalization—just a massive Excel spreadsheet masquerading as a database. The database equivalent of putting your entire life in one drawer and then wondering why you can't find your tax documents. Bonus points if you've added a JSON column to store "flexible" data, you monster.

Dont Even Test

Dont Even Test
Ah yes, the two types of developers in their natural habitat. One proudly declares "I'm merging it. fuck the tests" with the confidence of someone who's about to create tomorrow's emergency hotfix. Then there's the reply guy claiming "writing testcases for your code is doubting your own coding abilities. it's a sign of weakness." This is the software development equivalent of saying "helmets are for cowards" while riding a motorcycle blindfolded. Future you will be sending past you very strongly worded Slack messages at 2AM when production catches fire.

Fair Enough (AI Will Fix It)

Fair Enough (AI Will Fix It)
Look at this absolute masterpiece of error handling. When things go wrong, just ask OpenAI to fix it and eval() whatever it returns. Because nothing says "I trust the process" like blindly executing code from an AI in production. The cherry on top? Generating random passwords for users who probably wanted to use their own. Security through confusion - it's the new standard.

Cybersecurity Professionals' Job Security Plan

Cybersecurity Professionals' Job Security Plan
Ah, "vibe coded" – the spiritual successor to "works on my machine." When your code review consists of vibing with it instead of actual testing. Security professionals are salivating at the job security these startups are creating. Nothing says "future CVE entry" quite like an app built on good feelings and zero documentation. The cybersecurity industry thanks you for your service.

If-Else Purgatory: A Developer's Nightmare

If-Else Purgatory: A Developer's Nightmare
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of having to manually code a lookup table with if-else statements when all you want is a simple dictionary or switch-case! 😱 This poor soul is writing the programming equivalent of War and Peace just to map numbers to boolean values! The code just keeps scrolling and scrolling like my ex's text messages after I told them "we need to talk." Whoever thought this was the best approach clearly enjoys emotional pain and suffering. There's literally like 17 better ways to do this but here we are, trapped in if-else purgatory! And the tweet "God I wish there was an easier way to do this" is just *chef's kiss* peak developer irony.

Is There A Single Time When Vibe Coding Worked For You

Is There A Single Time When Vibe Coding Worked For You
That moment when your "I'll figure it out as I go" approach spectacularly backfires. We've all been there—hacking together code at 2 AM, fueled by energy drinks and hubris, thinking "this feels right" without a single unit test in sight. The technical debt collectors always come knocking eventually. And just like this wall, your codebase won't magically straighten itself out. The fix is never "later"—it's "now plus overtime plus three emergency meetings." Remember kids: documentation isn't optional, and neither is architecture planning. But we'll all do it again next sprint anyway.

When Your Code Is So Bad It Breaks Your Friend

When Your Code Is So Bad It Breaks Your Friend
Your friend wasn't speechless because your code was good. They were having an existential crisis watching you check 95 individual age values instead of using a simple comparison operator. It's like building a staircase one pebble at a time when you could just use a ramp. That moment when if age >= 18 would've saved you 90 lines of code and your dignity. But hey, at least you're thorough!

The Users Are Our QA Team Now

The Users Are Our QA Team Now
The infamous 4:16 AM Discord exchange that perfectly captures the dark reality of software deployment. Matt casually drops the most terrifying phrase in tech—"just test in prod"—while kitty delivers the punchline that makes QA professionals wake up in cold sweats. Let's be honest, we've all secretly implemented this "methodology" at some point. The real production environment is just a staging environment with higher stakes and real customer data! Who needs unit tests when you have thousands of unsuspecting users ready to find your bugs for free?

Sounds A Bit Simple

Sounds A Bit Simple
Top panel: Normal human being using proper random modules like a functioning member of society. Bottom panel: The unhinged developer who thinks return 4 is a perfectly acceptable random number generator because "it was randomly chosen by me, so technically it's random." Somewhere in production, a critical system is running on hardcoded "randomness" and nobody has noticed yet.