Bad practices Memes

Posts tagged with Bad practices

The Nuclear Option

The Nuclear Option
The classic Tom and Jerry covering their ears while someone's about to commit a war crime in Git. The git push origin master --force command is the digital equivalent of saying "I reject your reality and substitute my own." It overwrites remote history with whatever local mess you've created, consequences be damned. The kind of command that makes your team's Slack channel suddenly fill with "WHO DID THIS?" messages at 4:32 PM on a Friday.

True Crime: Boolean | Null Edition

True Crime: Boolean | Null Edition
The real crime scene here is declaring a variable that can be both boolean AND null. This is the kind of code that keeps security professionals awake at night. Some developer thought "hey, why use proper authentication when I can create this beautiful three-state monstrosity?" Triple equals won't save you from the existential crisis this code will cause during code review. This is the programming equivalent of leaving your front door unlocked but also maybe removing it entirely.

Just Make It Exist First, Automate The Horror Later

Just Make It Exist First, Automate The Horror Later
The two horsemen of software development: hardcoding endless if-statements for every possible value (top) versus generating those same if-statements with a script that alternates between True and False (bottom). That moment when you realize you can write code to write your terrible code for you. Work smarter not harder! Technical debt can now be automated at scale!

Comment Slasher: The Horror Movie Of Your Codebase

Comment Slasher: The Horror Movie Of Your Codebase
The AUDACITY of proper multi-line comments when single-line comment spam exists! 💅 Who has time for /* */ when you can just absolutely ASSAULT your code with a barrage of // slashes like you're trying to murder your future self's sanity? Nothing says "I'm a chaotic evil developer" quite like turning your codebase into a slash fiction novel. Single-line comment gang RISE UP! ✊

Commenting Always Works

Commenting Always Works
Ah yes, the ancient debugging technique known as "comment-driven development." Why waste precious brain cells understanding complex logic when you can just play code whack-a-mole? Nothing says "senior developer" like systematically commenting out random chunks of code until your application mysteriously springs back to life. The best part? You'll never know what you actually fixed, preserving that delightful sense of mystery for the next poor soul who inherits your codebase. It's not a bug—it's a feature that keeps future developers employed!

Slapping On A .Expect Is Also Error Handling!

Slapping On A .Expect Is Also Error Handling!
The eternal cycle of Rust developers. First panel: "OH NO!" - when they realize their code might panic. Second panel: "ANYWAY" - as they slap on a .expect("This will never happen") and continue coding like nothing happened. It's basically the programming equivalent of putting duct tape over a check engine light. Sure, your code compiles, but that error is just waiting to blow up in production.

The God Level Version Control

The God Level Version Control
Ah yes, the most sophisticated version control system: hiding your .git folder inside the Windows directory. Because nothing says "I trust my code management skills" like burying your repository next to system files where no mortal dares to tread. Security through obscurity at its finest. The digital equivalent of hiding your house key under a rock that says "Not a key here."

It Technically Improves Performance

It Technically Improves Performance
That moment when your junior dev discovers the "revolutionary" performance hack of turning off authentication. The face you make is a perfect blend of horror and fascination – like watching someone suggest solving traffic by removing all stop lights. Sure, the app will run faster when you remove all those pesky security checks! Just like how a bank would operate more efficiently without those annoying vault doors. Who needs user verification when you can have blazing fast response times ? Security vulnerabilities are just speed features in disguise!

Zero Factor Authentication: When Screen Recording Meets Security

Zero Factor Authentication: When Screen Recording Meets Security
Ah, the pinnacle of security engineering – displaying the verification code right in the screenshot. Multi-factor authentication? Nah, let's go with zero-factor! Just broadcast your 6-digit code to whoever's recording your screen. That smug arms-crossed pose is the universal "I've made some questionable decisions but I'm standing by them" stance that every dev adopts right before production goes down. Next up: storing passwords in a public GitHub repo called "definitely-not-passwords".

Please Approve My PR

Please Approve My PR
The classic junior dev power move: "I couldn't figure out why my code was failing the tests, so I just... deleted them." Meanwhile, the senior dev is standing there having an internal blue screen of death moment. It's the software equivalent of removing the smoke detector because it kept going off while you were cooking. Genius solution until the whole codebase catches fire! This is why code reviews exist—to prevent crimes against humanity in your git repository.

Sometimes You Don't Fix It, You Just End It

Sometimes You Don't Fix It, You Just End It
That peaceful smile when you've had enough of merge conflicts and decide nuclear options are the only way forward. Nothing says "I'm done debugging this repository" like force pushing to master and walking away from the explosion. Sure, your colleagues might hate you tomorrow, but that's tomorrow's problem. Today, you choose chaos.

It Scares The Hell Out Of Me

It Scares The Hell Out Of Me
The toughest developers who fearlessly debug production issues at 3 AM suddenly turn into trembling wrecks when faced with a global array full of zeros. Nothing strikes terror into a programmer's heart quite like stumbling upon someone else's undocumented global variables. Those zeros aren't just empty values—they're empty promises . Whatever story that code was supposed to tell has been wiped clean, leaving only the haunting structure behind. It's like finding a murder scene where the killer meticulously cleaned up all the evidence except for the chalk outline.