Bad practices Memes

Posts tagged with Bad practices

Courage Driven Coding

Courage Driven Coding
When you skip the entire compilation step and push straight to production, you're not just living dangerously—you're basically proposing marriage on the first date. The sheer audacity of committing to master without even checking if your code compiles is the kind of confidence that either makes you a legend or gets you fired. Probably both, in that order. Some call it reckless. Others call it a war crime against DevOps. But hey, who needs CI/CD pipelines when you've got pure, unfiltered bravery? The compiler warnings were just suggestions anyway, right? Right?!

Based On A True Story

Based On A True Story
When your coworker admits they've been yeeting API keys and environment variables straight into ChatGPT to debug auth issues, and suddenly everything works. The awkward silence that follows is the sound of every security best practice dying simultaneously. Sure, the bug is fixed, but at what cost? Those credentials are now immortalized in OpenAI's training data, probably sitting next to someone's Social Security number and a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Time to rotate every single key, update the docs, and pretend this conversation never happened. The best part? It actually worked. ChatGPT probably spotted a typo in the environment variable name or suggested using Bearer token format instead of just raw-dogging the API key in the header. But now you're stuck between being grateful for the fix and having an existential crisis about your company's security posture.

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail
Using Excel as a database is the tech equivalent of wearing socks with sandals - technically functional, but everyone who sees it will judge you. The moment you admit to storing production data in .xlsx files, you've earned yourself a one-way ticket to developer prison. No trial, no jury, just straight to jail. Sure, it starts innocently enough. "It's just a small project," you say. "We only have 50 rows," you promise. Fast forward six months and you're dealing with VLOOKUP nightmares, circular references, and that one guy who keeps saving it as .xls instead of .xlsx. Meanwhile, actual databases are sitting right there, crying in PostgreSQL. The prison guard's reaction is completely justified. This is a crime against data integrity, ACID compliance, and everything our ancestors fought for when they invented relational databases in the 1970s.

Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket

Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket
The classic single point of failure scenario. Server goes down, and naturally the backup is stored on... the same server. It's like keeping your spare tire inside the car that just drove off a cliff. Some say redundancy is expensive, but you know what's more expensive? Explaining to management why the last 6 months of data just evaporated because someone thought "the server is pretty reliable though" was a solid disaster recovery plan. Pro tip: your backup strategy shouldn't require a séance to recover data.

Should I Just Update The Mock Data With His Details And Reply That We Have Fixed It

Should I Just Update The Mock Data With His Details And Reply That We Have Fixed It
When someone reports a CRITICAL security vulnerability where they got auto-logged into Miles Morales' account without authentication, and your first instinct is "hmm, maybe I should just update the mock data with the reporter's name so it LOOKS like it's working correctly?" 💀 Imagine the absolute AUDACITY of this solution. "Oh no, our authentication is completely broken and people can access random accounts? Quick! Let's just make sure when THEY access it, it shows THEIR name! Problem solved!" It's like putting a "Wet Floor" sign on the Titanic while it's sinking. The developer really said "security vulnerability? more like security opportunity to demonstrate my creative problem-solving skills" and honestly? That's the kind of chaotic energy that keeps QA teams employed forever.

Overflow X Hidden

Overflow X Hidden
Got a tiny horizontal scroll bar ruining your perfectly aligned layout? Just slap overflow-x: hidden on it and call it a day. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Sure, the scroll bar disappears, but so does half your content when users resize their browser. That dropdown menu you spent 3 hours positioning? Gone. The mobile nav that slides in from the side? Clipped into oblivion. But hey, at least there's no horizontal scroll anymore. The !important flag really seals the deal here—because why fix the root cause when you can just nuke it from orbit and make it impossible for anyone else to override later? Future you will definitely thank present you for this one. This is the CSS equivalent of duct taping your check engine light instead of taking your car to a mechanic.

I Would Like To Have A Word With You

I Would Like To Have A Word With You
Listen, if you're storing binary data in your home directory config files, you've earned yourself a one-way ticket to the deepest, darkest corner of developer purgatory. Like, what possessed you to think "hmm, yes, let me just casually dump some compiled executables or image files into my ~/.config directory"? Config files are supposed to be TEXT. Human-readable TEXT. The kind you can open with vim at 3 AM when everything's on fire and actually UNDERSTAND what's happening. But no, you decided to play chaos agent and now nobody can debug your cursed setup without a hex editor and a prayer. Even the villain from Inglourious Basterds is judging you, and that's saying something.

My Code Is Self Documented

My Code Is Self Documented
You know that developer who swears their code is "self-documenting" because they used variable names like x , data2 , and doStuff() ? Yeah, reading their code is basically archaeology. You're standing there like Indiana Jones trying to decipher ancient hieroglyphics, except instead of unlocking the secrets of a lost civilization, you're just trying to figure out why they nested seven ternary operators inside a forEach loop. "Self-documenting" is code for "I was too lazy to write comments and now you're going to suffer." Spoiler alert: your clever one-liner that saves three lines of code isn't clever when it takes 30 minutes to understand. Write the damn comments.

More Code = More Better

More Code = More Better
Behold, the evolution of a developer's brain slowly melting into absolute chaos! We start with the innocent x = 10 and somehow end up at a do-while loop that generates random numbers until the universe accidentally spits out 10. Because why use one line when you can gamble with the RNG gods and potentially loop until the heat death of the universe? The "Better" version adding ten ones together is giving strong "I get paid by lines of code" energy. The "Good" version with a backwards for loop that decrements from 0 is just... *chef's kiss* of unnecessary complexity. But the "Pro" move? That's weaponized inefficiency right there. Nothing screams senior developer quite like turning a constant assignment into a probability problem that could theoretically run forever. Your CPU will LOVE you!

How Real Programmers Handle Bugs

How Real Programmers Handle Bugs
Classic move: when the compiler catches your divide-by-zero, just give it a variable name and suddenly it's "intentional." Because nothing says "I know what I'm doing" like wrapping your runtime exception in a slightly fancier package. Top panel: direct division by zero, compiler's all confident and screaming at you. Bottom panel: same exact bug, just with extra steps and a variable declaration. Compiler suddenly gets polite and respectful, like you've unlocked some secret knowledge. Spoiler alert: your program still crashes at runtime. You didn't fix anything—you just moved the explosion from compile-time to production. But hey, at least it compiled, right? Ship it.

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail

Excel As A Database? Straight To Jail
You know you've committed a cardinal sin when even your fellow inmates want nothing to do with you. Using Excel as a database is like bringing a spoon to a knife fight – technically it works, but everyone's judging you. We've all seen it: some product manager or business analyst proudly managing 50,000 rows of "critical production data" in a shared Excel file on OneDrive. No version control, no data validation, no foreign keys, just pure chaos and merged cells everywhere. And don't even get me started on the inevitable "Excel_Final_v2_FINAL_USE_THIS_ONE.xlsx" situation. The prisoner's crime is so heinous that even hardened criminals recoil in horror. Murder? Acceptable. Tax evasion? Understandable. But Excel as a database? That's where society draws the line.

No Documentation

No Documentation
You know that feeling when you push 5,000 lines of undocumented spaghetti code to production on Friday afternoon, then drive away into the sunset with zero guilt? That's the energy here. No README, no comments, variable names like "x2" and "temp_final_FINAL_v3", and a codebase architecture only decipherable by archaeological carbon dating. The next developer who touches this will need therapy and a ouija board. But hey, not your problem anymore. You're already three exits down the highway, phone on silent, living your best life.